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I was away for some time, during which time my husband drank most nights, something which our youngest teenager noticed, therefore avoiding dad most nights, till the end few days when his drinking got worse, and our youngest ended up texting me and phoning me to tell me to get the divorce through, wanting to live with me, wanting to really get things sorted because dad freaked him up by drinking too much and behaving very weirdly (can’t say exactly). He also sent desperate texts to his sister who warned me about his messages, lots of texts were received by our daughter from dad who upset her too, I received some as well, our youngest phoned me crying, desperate, needing supportive words, that really upset and worried me as he expressed frightening ideas of death, and on my return he was also desperate to speak to me alone away from home, he revealed lots of things.
Today he spoke about flash backs, one of which was about havkng been punched in the back.
I want to ring social services and speak to them but our youngest has now been “hoovered” back in because of not wanting to abandon or loose dad, not wanting to choose whom to live with, wanting his home, his comfort, not having to move, wanting to hang on till university years…
What do I do? I feel I need to speak to someone but our youngest said he doesn’t want the complications linked to talking to social services and I am personally worried my husband will lash out.
What I heard made me decide now is the time to move on for sure, my youngest was desperate, scared, his own words were expressing fear of dad…
If I ring, I will disrespect our youngest’s wishes and feel like I am betraying his trust, but how can I keep quiet when my husband actually freaked our child to such a point?
I don’t know what to do for the best but my gut instinct is to speak out…
I think our child is going through the typical scenario of the cycle of abuse with emotional manipulation by his dad, doubts that come from the burden of having to betray dad, the fear of the future, he is going throughout the exact same process of why we women don’t leave, or hang on for so long…I felt so empowered when he said he wanted to live with me, he was scared of dad, but within a half hour the day after speaking to me, he has quickly turned against the idea of divorce, writing a message on a board, showing it to his dad, desperate to hang on to his family…
I don’t know what to do but the events of this week are really scary…
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Hello there. Pick up the phone to the helpline! Talk to them about your worries and your options. When you think anoint your children your instinct is to protect them and that’s what you do.
I don’t know the ins and outs of your situation but you need to protect yourself and children and ensure he does not know what you are doing. Please keep your safety paramount and the kids as well too.
Give yourself the same advice that you would give to a friend. I find we are a lot kinder to friends than we are to ourselves. This sounds very alarming and disturbing but you have this information so you must act on it otherwise you will regret it. Can you not speak with your domestic violence unit at your local police station? Also, I hear from here that rights of women are great too.
We are with you every step of the way xxxx
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I am reading what I just wrote and I am really honestly wondering if I now need to act, I read the few details of what happened during my absence and I am horrified my child should have felt so scared…
I told my child to come and speak to the family therapist who sees me and wants me out of this relationship. I want my child to speak in confidence to receive the help needed to overcome his anxiety over the divorce…
I will wake up tomorrow and hopefully find the right words to describe the essence of what my child spoke about, and see if we can safely move on, no matter what. My son kept talking about how weird and scary his dad was, how be feels safe with me…surely I have to call someone…??? -
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Keep everything as evidence back it up and send it immediately to your Solicitor they will be able to help. It cannot be easy to know this but you must protect your babies I am so glad that they have confided in you.
It’s great that you have a family therapist that can help. I am so glad that you are divorcing this man. If you need to speak to someone now and can’t get through to the helpline please call the Samaritans of Childline they are all there to help and will definitely help with you getting through the shock of it.
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