Advice re disclosing abuse to Ex new partner

[littlefishy]

Hi I really need some advice or maybe signposting ?

I’m concerned as an abusive ex partner has had a baby with a young girl and she has no idea of his past.

I left the relationship a few years back and have a (detail removed by Moderator) year old with him.

A brief history ….about (detail removed by Moderator) months in to the relationship he began to become controlling and verbally abusive especially when he was drunk it turned out he had both a alcohol and cocaine addiction and I thought that I would be able to help him so I stayed. About (detail removed by Moderator) into our relationship he physically assaulted me ( strangled me and tried to break my knee (detail removed by Moderator)) this was in front of my other two children and I called the police. Social services came to visit and said that he was known to them and was high risk, they wanted to disclose his past to me they said he had pushed a previous partner down the stairs whilst holding their baby (detail removed by Moderator). (This was not the story I had been given by him).

They placed us on some kind of high risk list locally and said if I chose to go back into the relationship social service would need to be involved. I left for (detail removed by Moderator) months and chose not to press charges. I stupidly believed the “i’m sorry it will never happen again stuff) for a long while it was great and I fell pregnant.

It was once I had the baby it started again with verbal abuse and then physical I felt that I could not report to the police as I had stupidly gone back so not everything is on record. I got my self together and left him he told everyone I had cheated on him etc and I became the crazy cheating ex!

I bumped into a mutual friend a few months back and she told me that he had got a girl pregnant she is still relatively young and her first child at. I know that he still drinks and does cocaine and am torn as to what I should do. If for some reason social haven’t linked him to the past abuse she will have no idea and I feel some sort of obligation to alert someone so that she doesn’t go through what me and the kids have.

I don’t know how I would go about this and would have to be anonymous so that i don’t put myself back at risk and if I approach her friends or family I’m labeled the crazy jealous ex. She still lives with her family but apparently they are moving out which is when I think she will become most at risk. Maybe I should just leave it as maybe he has changed (i don’t think he has) but what if he seriously hurts her or the baby and I didn’t say anything.

I’m really torn as to what to do has anyone else been in a similar situation? Any advice or thoughts would be really appreciated xx

[Wants To Help]

Hi there,

I know exactly the process to do this.

Go on to the website of the police area where this lady lives and look for the Request Information tab on the police website. You should end up somewhere within those tabs a Clares Law request.

You can fill the form in with her name and address, date of birth if you know it, or her approx. age, then fill in all of your ex’s details, and all the other information the form asks for.

You will need to fill in your details as the applicant and why you have concerns, but that will be kept confidential. The Police will then do their checks, and if they feel that there are grounds to disclose his history to his new partner then they will do so. You will not be informed of this though or given any update, so once you have raised your concerns you will not be told anything further, therefore, you will never know whether they have told her anything or not. She will never be told who raised the concerns for her either. If she gets told anything it will have been approved under her “Right To Know” of the Clares Law procedure.

If you do this today, the Police have to deal with the next stage within 10 days, and if there is anything to disclose it has to be done within 45 days maximum from the date the first report is submitted, so that would be 45 days from today. The sooner you submit the form the sooner she could be informed.

[littlefishy]

That’s great thank you once I have got it off my chest I’m happy that they will make any decisions to tell her or not tell her at least then I’ve done all I can to keep her safe.

I’ve just had a look and have to give my address I’m concerned that as I went on to have a child with him after social services said that I needed to advise them if I re entered into a relationship with him that I might have an issue myself?

I’ve worked really hard to move on and create a new life for us I’m worried it may drag it all up ?

[Wants To Help]

I can’t answer that one I’m afraid, this has to be your call. I guess if he’s not in your child’s life now then the risk of him to your child is alleviated, but if he is still seeing your child and Children’s Services would be worried about that then you could be opening a can of worms.

[littlefishy]

Ok thank you for your advice I will have a think on what to do x

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