Advice/support needed please

[Headinaspin]

Hi, my ex partner has been on bail with conditions for (detail removed by Moderator) now whilst under investigation by police for abuse against me. Don’t know how much detail I am allowed to go into so will leave it at that for now.
We have children together who a third party collects and drops off from me for contact every (detail removed by Moderator) weeks for (detail removed by Moderator).
My children have come back and said they have met my exes new partner (detail removed by Moderator).
This has hit me hard as 1. How can you introduce someone so fast knowing that you are on bail awaiting charge decision so clearly thinks he will get away with it which is hard enough for me to deal with. 2. I am still processing the trauma that my ex has caused me so can’t even think about moving on. 3. Such little contact with the children anyway why would you introduce them so soon to a new partner (only been together (detail removed by Moderator) months).

[minimeerkat]

this must have been such a painful thing to hear from your children – sending you a hug x
but i am sure that introducing the children to the new girlfriend was because your ex wanted to appear to be the doting parent, to impress her & to try his hardest to cover up the truth of who he was & what he had actually done to you
i dont know how old your children are, how much they might have seen etc so whether they have been affected also. how confused they may still feel – so do not know how they would have felt themselves about this sudden meeting (i dont have children, so hopefully the other ladies on the forum can help you especially with this). i am just so sorry that you had no warning of this & therefore no say in any of it at all
but the rest is quite clear, we all live in reality whereas these abusive partners do not. as far as they are concerned, any charges that may have been brought against them are ridiculous & false – they will be denying everything, to themselves & others
who knows what the new girlfriends been told. you can only pity her really, as she has no idea who your partner truly is at the moment. surely if she knew your partner had been on bail she would run a mile, otherwise she has probably been duped
its really difficult when we are left dealing with all the trauma, just trying to get through each & every day – and they are off living life as if absolutely nothings happened
as long as they are getting their own way, getting what they want when they want thats all that matters to them
do hope you have some support, people you can talk to & you can trust
are you having counselling. do have contact numbers of support lines if you need them. hopefully it has helped a little writing all your feelings down
please know that i am thinking of you x

[Allornothing]

Sadly, I’m not sure if it is a trait of their behaviour but from my experience, they have to have a woman and they will love bomb etc, that’s how I fell for it and yet there was the biggest red flag which was with regards to his ex and the course he was being made to attend but I believed every word he said. If only everyone could be provided with a Clare’s Law prior to getting into relationships………

Your eyes are open now, you are a strong person and will be there for the children, unfortunately his antics will carry on. They also never seem to have a conscience or empathy. xx

[Bananaboat]

Oh yes, my (detail removed by Moderator) got introduced so ridiculously quickly to his new gf it’s only now months down the line they’re starting to accept it, they’d get all confused about why I was dropping them off at her house not daddy’s (not understanding daddy had lovebombed and moved in as they do). It’s all part of the act – as others said it’s about making himself look like dad of the year, make us look horrible (I love my kids so much but she won’t let me have them more or similar rubbish) and, the new gf is someone to take the load off him. Yes it hurts and the mind boggles on how can he move so fast and why on earth is she accepting all this (remember they lie to them), but I read something that said you can always tell the true victim of abuse because they take time to heal while the abuser jumps straight into someone new, and that hit home. Focus on you and the kids xx

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