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Oh ladies, I’m not sure whether I am writing for support, advice or just to get it out.
His clothes (removed by moderator), so it was my fault – I did it maliciously. Then came the threats, spiteful words and physical intimidation- he’s even closing the door on the kids so they don’t see or hear although they do – they are teenagers. But they sit there and leave us to it.
If that wasn’t bad enough my two boys are arguing all the time,one is mimicking his father which is awful to see. Well tonight was a full on fight – I had to get between them both (removed by moderator) and try to stop it. Then their father came up, told me I was making it worse and then proceeded to blame me for what happened. Then suggested I am not fit to look after them when I leave him and how am I going to break up something like that on my own.
Now my eldest son is in a terrible state (I am becoming more and more concerned he may do himself some harm). He says he doesn’t want to live with any of us. This is breaking my heart. I am desperately waiting for our house to be sold and quietly looking at houses but I haven’t told the kids anything as I don’t want it getting back to their father.
What on Earth am I going to do?
A very desperate mother. X
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Oh A, yes can relate, trying to make this appear normal and keep things running along when this is going on and you’re waiting for things to happen. Its a tough place for sure, lots of anxiety.
Have you thought about getting them some counselling through school? Or a charity? Sounds like they need to talk. Problem Ive found with kids is that they listen to mum, listen to dad, learn from what you do, he does and because there is no one spelling it out to them what is right and wrong here, confusion and blurring occurs, especially when they feel emotional; its usually a good idea to get outside help with this, and they are going through this too hey, so could do with some emotional support from someone not directly involved, makes it easier to talk and use the space for the self, they may feel there are things they just couldnt say to you or dad, sometimes kids hold back, like adults do, because we dont want to hurt someones feelings, counselling frees them up to talk as there is none of this to contend with in the relationship dynamic; the counsellor is there soley for the person; a counsellor would also send the message what is wrong and unacceptable.
They are at a vulnerbale age in their development; I would try to pull in some support for them; they dont really know themselves or how to control or respond to their emotions do they, sounds like they’re not learning how to express anger in a non violent way – as this is when most teens learn isn’t it – when we all start to mature emotionally – only some do miss these valuable lessons.
Things will be a lot better for you all wont they when you can provide them with a calm, peaceful home; they will see and feel this was needed and hopefully see this important in life too x
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