Affecting your physical health

[InHope]

Ever since the ex went full on ‘hate’ and ‘bully’ mode after I asked for a divorce, I’ve had some health issues. Before I split with him, I’d sometimes just lay there wishing for death. Not in a suicidal way, in a ‘that would be a sweet relief’ or ‘I’m not that bothered’ kind of way. He didn’t even notice I was miserable and would ignore me if I told him. Now we’re apart and I can breathe and I’m enjoying life again, I have a few health issues! Typical! It’s actually very uncomfortable but I’m under a dept and that’s all I can do. I’ve noticed that my Decree Nisa app as well as some court things have mentioned about health being affected. Why is that? Can you be compensated?

[KIP.]

I don’t know your full story but take a look at criminal Injuries authority and suing a person for personal injuries because of domestic abuse. Especially if you lost out on earnings. Ring Rights for Women for free legal advice or most solicitors offer a free initial consultation x

[KIP.]

And yes I would often go to bed at night and wish I didn’t wake up in the morning. I also often contemplated suicide, had an overactive thyroid and high levels of stress hormone cortisol. Panic attacks. Stress headache, Had a heart monitor fitted etc. All change now. I’ve been to docs once in the last 4 years. Yet I was never away when with him. Enjoy your newfound health and happiness x

[InHope]

Thanks for the advice KIP.
Teabag, I’m in awe again. You’re starting from scratch which is amazing.
I’m still surrounded by memories, every little thing in this house has a memory, which I find difficult at times and I would love the courage to start afresh. One day I will have to. Do you have access to a church or another organisation that can offer you food, shelter, clothing and help with housing?

[teabag]

I couldn’t work for months. Had to leave my job as contract. Homeless and left with two suitcases as my only belongings. I possess two towels, one set of bed sheets. I’m anxious when I’m out and I flinch a lot if people put their hand up near me. I couldn’t function and as the fog waded the sheer realisation hit me like a dynamite.
Still, when I’m through this it will be worth it.
X stay safe

[diymum@1]

I stumble apon this info recently its a talk form Ashley Judd the actress who was raped by Harvey Weinstein. She mentioned the effect of costant emotional abuse and every other type affects the limbic system in the brain. I looked further into it but to cut a long storey short it affects cortisol in the brain – it can affect our auto immunity – I have a family history of rheumatolgical stuff but I do believe now this was caused by the abuse xx when I get stressed I can hardly walk some days xx luv diymum

[Fudgecake]

I agree that your health is affected. Before I got involved in an abusive relationship, I was the fittest I’d ever been. Then, as the relationship went on, my health declined to the point of high blood pressure, palpitations, constant bladder issues to name but a few health issues. Hopefully, I’ll regain some of my fitness back although I’m now older and can’t recover as fast as my younger self used to.
I also need to lose some weight that I gained through comfort eating. Still, now I can take action, focus on myself rather than provide undivided attention to him (I even felt bad and had to ask permission leaving the room to go and have a bath!)
Well done to us all for surviving whether we’re still living in hell or have escaped.

[InHope]

Hi Fudgecake, I too was fit as a fiddle before our relationship ‘happened’ – ‘happened’, like I fell into a dark and wet ditch that I couldn’t climb out of for years. I looked good back then. But my exercise classes were constantly put down and mocked and he would moan at me for wanting to go and then I would feel bad, he even bought exercise equipment so I could try it in the garage and didn’t have to leave the house. I actually lost enthusiasm for it and stopped going. When I think back now, I want to shake myself! When someone loves you they encourage and embrace the things you enjoy, things that make you happy! Classes, your mum and dad, you know, normal things. It was always what he wanted to do. We had some good times together, I managed to cope with him and his bad moods, then he became worse and I knew I didn’t love him anymore. From quite early on I started panicking and living on edge. Totally get the cortisol thing, also the adrenal glands when stressed. I’m reading How to Beat Worry and Stress by Dr David Delvin, which explains a lot. I’ll never look the same but I’m slowly getting back on track with my mental and physical well-being.

[Iwantmeback]

I kept getting moaned at fir going to my classes too, getting left on his own again while I enjoyed myself, yet it was okay for him to play football or go golfing or fishing, come in late from work with not even a phone call, then dinner was ruined, which then caused another stoorie.
He took the enjoyment out of my classes, at first missing one or two didn’t bother me, now I’ve no motivation to go back, why because I know in a few weeks he’ll just go on at me for leaving him or he’ll accuse me of seeing someone and using the classes as a cover!! He’s actually asked to smell my underwear if I was 5 minutes late. Getting to and from class plus the duration of the class he had timed to a t, he wanted to know why I was late, who was I talking to, why couldn’t I jyst go there and come straight back. He’s even said he’s starving and I’d better get him something to eat literally seconds as I got in, or he’s given me the silent treatment. To which I’ve responded by going straight into the kitchen and fixing him something to eat. I’m such a Muppet. Do you know, since writing this, I’ve decided I’m going back to one of my classes and to hell with him, AND it’s going to be an evening class 😄😄
IWMB 💕💕

[InHope]

Hi Iwantmeback, you are so strong. Never let someone dictate to you, that’s control. Lived many years being controlled. It was sometimes done very subtly, very manipulatively, in the end I was just a nanny for him. Didn’t even get invited out anymore, he’d just go out with his mates drinking like a teenager and was happy for me to sit there miserable, as long as ‘his show’ continued he was happy. He’s a n********t.
No normal person would want to stop your classes – that’s your health! That’s your thing! His other behaviour is just not acceptable or normal. Keep going xx

[Author]

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