Viewing 8 reply threads
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    • #147332
      Wispatea
      Participant

      How do people deal with abuse after separation? he’s tried so much but now (detail removed by Moderator)…

    • #147337
      KIP.
      Participant

      Absolutely total zero direct contact. Use a third party, give them an old mobile phone to text if you have kids together. But any contact is toxic and used against you.

      • #147424
        Wispatea
        Participant

        We have no contact this is through other avenues…He is with someone else and I am having therapy. This just sent me into a complete spiral.

    • #147346
      maddog
      Participant

      Abusers often really get the knives out, post separation. If you have children together, they may do their damnest to destroy the lives of the children as well, just to get back at you.

      Please seek advice from your local Women’s Aid for support during this difficult time. If you ever feel in any danger, report to police. Although they may not be able to do anything, at least it’s part of their history, when eventually, hopefully, things change.

      Zero contact means exactly that. Please don’t respond to anything directly, if at all. Instead, work on yourself. Many charities offer trauma based counselling which you may find helpful.

      Abusers don’t stop until either they’re dead, or they’re stopped. They’ll move onto the next person, and we don’t want to be in their sights.

    • #147425
      Wispatea
      Participant

      We have no contact this is through other avenues…He is with someone else and I am having therapy. This just sent me into a complete spiral.

    • #147439
      maddog
      Participant

      Yes, it’s horrible being triggered. You’re responding in a normal way to trauma. Hopefully therapy will help you to find ways to lessen the impact.

      My ex husband has been poking around in my family. His poor wife. She will have no idea.

      Getting support is so important. We can rebuild. They can’t. Hurrah for us!

    • #147447
      Wispatea
      Participant

      Thank you. I feel like I won’t ever be rid of him. His girlfriend has been warned…

    • #147464
      Eggshells
      Participant

      This sounds pernicious and really difficult to tackle.

      Whilst there is still a connection they will use it to try and hurt you. It’s difficult to comment without knowing how he is managing to abuse you.

      If its an offence please report him. If he’s getting to you through other people, please make them aware of how he is using them.

    • #147506
      Wispatea
      Participant

      Thank you. I put above how and it was removed. It seems harmless but it really is not.

    • #147507
      Wispatea
      Participant

      We have children together so will always be something I guess. However, we are no contact…

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