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hello everyone
So as post says, I have left previously but for only a night here and there, and a stay in a refuge for (detail removed by Moderator), all the time going back.
This time the abuse was awful, the mental and emotional abuse was horrendous, and i finally left, rented a house and took my 3 children and left him. (detail removed by Moderator) he was with another woman (I didnt know this) he hounded me, love bombed me, constantly pestered me, so like usual I went back. However he was still with this other woman, he then ended it with her in (detail removed by Moderator) (but they carried on contacting one another) and this is when the abuse really got bad.
Manipulation, accusing me of sleeping around, going through my social media and demanding to know who the men were, being really really mean to me. I spent months crying, begging him to tell me what was going on, and he was going from nice to nasty it was causing me so much pain.And then in (detail removed by Moderator) i found out about the other woman, her husband rung me when i was in work to tell me. He DID NOT CARE, when i confronted him. Basically said its my fault for leaving and renting a house, and at least the woman showed him attention. I was heart broken, totally devastated, to know he had cheated and thats why he was so mean to me.
I packed the rented house up and went home. I am so ashamed of this, but now (detail removed by Moderator) months later the triggers are insane, the way i was treated, the lies and disrespect he had for me. I cant believe ive gone back, i feel like all my self worth and dignity has gone, and that i dont deserve any better. I wish id let him be with that other woman, but i know he was using her to, telling her he loved her but was with his wife and begging his wife to get back.
Its such a mess, i feel ashamed of myself to be honest. xx
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You have done nothing to be ashamed of, it takes many of us lots of attempts to leave, some of us don’t leave…
It is hard when there’s still contact once you leave, you need time to recover and heal,… if you leave again remember you are worth it.. your partner discarding you for another relationship for attention is very hurtful to you but also very telling as it is belittling behaviour…
These men need a supply, if you take yourself out of the picture he will find another woman to feed his ego (ie he liked the attention)..
He will always blame you or someone else for his abuse, it is All on him, not you.
Be kind to you, It is very difficult to leave and remain out, if you chose to leave again is there anyway you can no contact for a while?
Bug hugs
HFH ❤️ -
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It is so so hard. My biggest mistake was not going no contact, or low contact, I can see that now.
His manipulation was at its worst, he was constantly accusing me of cheating, placing ALL blame on me for the marriage breakdown, constant put downs on how –
I’m controlling
Its me who’s abused him
He has had a awful few years with me
Everything is about me, and HE is tired of itWhen all the time it was me that had to plan, save, budget, clean, cook, run around as if i didnt, noting would get done. Then when i left it was ME that was controlling, and i took over everything. The manipulation and blame constantly made me so unwell, i ended up hating myself.
He was the one that cheated, yet Its me that had to delete all the men off my social media to make HIM feel better. I am ashamed of myself, of what ive become. My needs dont matter at all, because its all about him. Constantly.
Its so so draining and honestly i feel like i’ll never do better than him, like it is me who is the issue.
Biggest regret, is panicking after i found out about his affair and returning home. I wish i had gone no contact and stayed in my rented house 🙁
I will get out one day, ive lost all respect for him but the trauma bond is so strong x*x
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