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At least if you are No Contact you have stopped giving, I gave so much and got so little back in return, since I have been NC I have not given anything to him that he knows about. He does not know that I am broken hearted and want to hear from him that I cry every day and night and feel broken, at least that he does not know any of that. I am proud of myself for sticking to NC and sticking to the principles of why I dumped him in the first place. He was not a good partner to me and that is why I dumped him, I KNEW it then although after a while with NC thoughts seem to naturally change. I struggle to manage and feel happy now but I believe I do not want to be with him.
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Yes, I quite agree, Healthy Archive.
To elaborate, something which was mentioned on the old forum was that we have nostalgic memories of beautiful times with our abusers, but if we look at it objectively:
– They had something to gain by being nice at the time
– Very often, we were the ones who organised the nice days/ holidays /events and thought of all the small, magical details and went to the most effort.
So, in that sense, it wasn’t our abusers who made the day magical: it was the place itself, or indeed our own efforts that made it so!
The abuser was just freeloading on the day! And threatening to wreck it at any moment!
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I never really thought of going no contact as having to do less giving, more of less receiving but you are absolutely right – its exhausting having to respond and keep calm and put up with things that are said.
It makes such a difference to everything to be no contact and although it’s hard its worth it -
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