Alcohol

[Anonymous]

Hey all

I know this is my own stupidity but I can’t help but wonder what on earth I done?

I ended up with my partners friend staying at mine. He was quite drunk and upset. He tried to kiss me and I said refused. He just pulled me closer and kept trying. All logical reasons he kept saying OK and I ended up basically saying “If that’s what you think try it sober not when you are drunk”. He would have had the same answer in fairness.

I gave him blankets and he went to bed, I went to bed to put my daughter to sleep and my partner went to bed. I got up, went and had a drink and smoke. My child heard me and got up and started talking. I took her back to bed, lay with her till she went back to sleep then went and had a drink.

After the earlier night I did knock them back to be honest but I drunk myself into a mind blank.

My problem is I woke up the next day knowing I had sexual intercourse. Ill not go into details. I’m not gonna lie due to my partner being violent I tend not to be affectionate. He still will pass comment on our lack of sex life. He wasn’t drunk so surely if we had intercourse he would remember? I’m confused? Which leads me to wonder about the other guy? He tried to kiss me but while being sober and sensible nothing happened could he have come down? Am I really a filthy cheat? I’d never cheat or drink so much I can’t remember a thing. I’m so annoyed and confused.

[KIP.]

Drinking yourself into a mind blank leaves you and your child extremely vulnerable. I stopped drinking all together as my ex would take advantage of me when I was drunk and I needed to keep my wits about me. I’d recommend you do the same if you can’t leave your abusive partner. I’d also keep my distance from his friend and prevent him from staying over again. If your partner was sober he will know exactly what he did however he might be denying having sex with you to mess with your head. So that he can blame you for being unfaithful and set you up for his retribution. Are you in touch with your local women’s aid. Do you have any outside support from organisations that can help? It’s no wonder you’re confused, alcohol and abusers are a deadly mix.

[fizzylem]

So sorry to read this. Can you get yourself somewhere for swabs? You dont need to do anything other than go for the examination at present; the police can set it up and then step back; we have a place near us that is open 24hrs a day for this. This has the potential to drive you mad over the coming months. If you go and they can gether evidence then you can always come back to it later if you decide to – it gives you an option – puts you in a stronger position. You don’t need to say anything you dont want to – can simply have the examnination and give them the clothes you were wearing, swabs, under nails etc. Its there then if you need it x

[Anonymous]

I know I was so stupid to get drunk. I never usually drink but I just downed the bottle as it seemed like a good idea to get to sleep after earlier events. I can guarantee they won’t be back! It was a nightmare from the get-go

All I can remember is having a drink, then sitting on the sofa and watching TV. However when I woke up the next day I was fully dressed cuddled into my child. I have wrecked and wrecked my brain trying to think if I can remember either of them being awake but I can’t. I didn’t even think about swabs or anything. My partner has done this in the past so I thought it was him but he keeps saying how I don’t let him near me, that I’m in living and much more to make me think.. If it was him then he wouldn’t be saying that?

I seen the other guy the following morning and he touched me and said see you later as my partner left him out to go home. Other than that i have only with his girlfriend. The guys had a conversation. I have been meaning to say something about him attempting to kiss me especially as their having a baby as it’s not fair on his girlfriend if he’s trying to hit on all his friends girlfriends.

I don’t know what I done or didn’t do. I would never ever cheat I know that. But it’s seriously driving me crazy not knowing what happened. I’m worried to say to my partner about his friend kissing me as he would hit me and claim that I’ve been cheating and that’s why so don’t show him affection. Not the violence at home.

I can 100% guarantee I will never be drinking again

[KIP.]

If your partner has done this before, it sounds to me like it’s more likely to be him again. Abusers are liars too so don’t believe a word he says. Look out for the spiking of drinks too x have you thought about taking to the police?

[KIP.]

You should definitely get an sexually transmitted test from your doctor just to be safe. Speak to your GP and report what happened.

[Anonymous]

I hadn’t even thought of STIs. I tried phoning to an appointment but appointments are fully booked up and cant make one till next week. I can ring daily but I don’t really wanna have to explain over the phone to a receptionist to get a call back.

Problem with reporting anything is cause I had drunk 3/4s of a bottle of spirits. What if I actually become a different person than I usually am? What if I initiated it? Sober me wouldn’t do it. My partner cause of everything that happened, him touching me makes me feel sick to the stomach but he refuses to leave without threats of my child and violence. I am not a cheat, so sober I wouldn’t but drunk? Could I have?

Im so confused. I Feel torn apart with shame and guilt even though I don’t even know what happened. I just wanna say to my partner but I rarely go out due to an illness and if I do something like straighten my hair I am asked who I’m trying to impress. This wouldn’t end well.

[KIP.]

Tell the docs surgery it’s an emergency. You might also want the morning after pill. Or go to a and e. If you were that drunk youre incapable of consent which is still rape. Have a look at the Thanes Valley Police consent video ‘a cup tea’.

[fizzylem]

You can report in complete confidence to a health proffessional or the police and they will do nothing but offer you support, it will go no further than you say; the fact you were drunk makes no difference to this, you could call rape crisis and ask for advice. This is no reflection on you whatsoever x

[Anonymous]

Thank you. Tried to phone the doctor again but they have no slots left for today cause I can’t phone till my partner goes out. Will have to try again in the morning. Couldn’t be anymore annoyed at myself right now.

[KIP.]

Please don’t blame yourself. When we are being abused we simply don’t have the headspace for rational thinking. All our headspace is taken up trying to keep safe. It’s trauma x

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