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    • #42966
      Lightning-Jet
      Participant

      Does anyone else have major issues with an abusive partner who drinks to excess?
      By this I mean drinking every day, but worse Friday – Sunday?
      I am having major issues with my partner & his drinking, how much worse the abuse is afterwards.
      I hate living like this 😣

    • #42968
      Confused123
      Participant

      hey hun

      welcome to the wife of an a acholic lifestyle club, my ex used to drink excessively, gosh does it drain u out and do these f***** p**s us off to the max and press every wrong button possible and expect no reaction. it is alife of hell, thaats why we need to get out , they use the same rubbish line that they remember nothing the next day if their not still drunk they will just carry on with the abuse

      • #43010
        Lightning-Jet
        Participant

        Thank you so much for your replies. Confused123 it really does drain you, no matter what, they never stop drinking. It’s like chain drinking, 1 after another. The amount of money wasted is ridiculous. If I dare to say anything to him he blows up at me.
        Starchild I will pm you, thank you.
        Mummy – I too have had the same accusation, that it is because of me. I have truly been taken in by him in the past, believed that I misunderstood or that I misheard.
        Loverofnocontact – I am currently researching the support available in the area, with Al-anon is it just for drinkers or can others attend? I know my partner wouldn’t go. I have found a couple of support groups in the area luckily & I have a contact number for guidance/help to plan my exit.
        Dragonfly- it’s any excuse isn’t it, always something or someone to blame for drinking.
        I need to get my action plan together, I can’t live my life like this. xx

    • #42972
      starchild
      Participant

      As a partner of someone who misuses substances either drugs or alcohol, you are their carer and able to access carers support.

      I have specific knowledge please pm me for more info

    • #42984
      mummy
      Participant

      I’ve read up on this from the freedom programme both my exes drank and were more abusive thend. Though when I read up on this they r never really as drunk as we think it’s just an excuse to use to say they didn’t do something or place the blame on. I used to get I drink because of u or the situation uve put me in believed it too until I spoke to others x

    • #42985
      lover of no contact
      Participant

      Al-anon meetings are a good group support for partners,families and friends affected by someone elses drinking. Hopefully there is one in your local area.

    • #42986
      lover of no contact
      Participant

      I mean Al-Anon in addition to using this forum. Gather as many supports around you as possible. The more support the better.

    • #42993
      Dragonfly
      Participant

      Mine drank all the time. Couldn’t even go to the shops for a pint of milk without going to the pub. Left work – went to pub. Waiting on a bus got a spare 10 mins – down a pint. Sit in house for the evening – down two bottles of wine. Felt unhappy – drank alcohol. Didn’t like what I said/did – drank

      Always and as far as I know still is.

    • #43019
      itmustbemesurely
      Participant

      mine too, every night of the week. Home early from work – pub, half an hour to spare- pub, Saturday/Sunday lunch time – pub. Usually two bottles of wine a night, slurs, gets cross, wants sex…..but it means I am grumpy so I am moody/vile/miserable/negative/stupid/having an affair with the neighbor/boring/dull/never happy..delete as the mood takes him! The cost, I scrimp by and he [email protected] it up the wall, it makes me so angry but despite my pleas he will not stop….tried to talk to his sister but she’s not interested, nice!

      • #43025
        Lightning-Jet
        Participant

        Itmustbemesurely, I am so sorry to hear that, you situation sounds similar to mine. The difference being mine doesn’t go to the pub much but drinks a lot at home.
        I too get accused of being the same, it gets so tiresome. It’s not fair that we scrimp by & they spend an extortionate amount on themselves. I get so angry too.
        My partners family know what he is like but he is so difficult to deal with, so they either turn a blind eye or enable his behaviour further.
        I bet your partners sister knows exactly what he’s like. x

    • #43030
      starchild
      Participant

      Al Anon are able to offer and 12 step program and also look at Co Dependency within a relationship, however you should never accept a statement that you are the reason why someone drinks to excess

      Someone who missuses substances does so because they choose to not because they don’t like what you do or said.

    • #43059
      hurtnomore
      Participant

      Hi Lightning-Jet,

      Yes! my ex was a severe binge drinker ( calls himself an alcoholic).. once he had a day/night of drinking he would wake up and drink for the next 3-4days. he could also not drink without taking cocaine.. my abuse was 100000 times worse and it was always blamed on the “alcohol” which is a sad excuse. or he would say he ” could not remember”. If i then tried to speak about it he would say well that was yesturday I am not drinking today so lets not be negative. so any abuse i receive ( a few hospital visits ) were all alcohols fault according to him so this justified his actions. As for getting worse on the weekend. YES! he would sometimes steal my car and go missing.. A few times i realised he actually went to another womans house. but yes this is a big reason I left. the last time i went back he drank all day/night woke up drinking and tried to kill me the next day by (detail removed by moderator) etc. He would go to AA meeting and go to the pub after! all part of his attention seeking and manipulation. sad really. Alcohol only contributes to the abuse but i do agree it can make it worse.. Does he want to give it up? if so then its a long journey to recovery my advise is to get out and get out now! they only get worse and the drinking will only become a bigger issue. I was also made to have sex even crying at times because he was so drunk he would not take no for an answer.. and of course it was my fault why he got so drunk in the first place! dont ever let him make you feel like itss you who is to blame. you are not. i hope you find the strength to leave! xx

    • #114045
      Auditore555
      Blocked

      (detail removed by Moderator) I can tolerate smokers, as I myself used to be, but I was able to quit and I believe that anyone can do it too. But alcohol addiction … (detail removed by Moderator)! I would not live with a man who drinks his troubles, feelings and emotions with alcohol. When someone talks on this topic, I constantly have a huge amount of emotions, because of which I cannot say anything normally. I have nothing against alcohol and drinking it sometimes, but when it happens every day, it’s terrible. It seems to me that in this case the person needs to be treated urgently !! I don’t think that any advice and psychological pressure will help here, we must act immediately. One of these options is alcohol rehabilitation,(detail removed by Moderator). Perhaps there are similar services in your city too …

    • #114059
      Bettertimesahead
      Participant

      I asked my alcoholic husband to leave (detail removed by Moderator) ago. He drank at home every night and then it escalated to drinking in day. I gave him ultimatum. He continued to drink. Said didn’t want to stop. I am so angry as only now realising how much money he wasted

    • #115906

      My husband frank from (detail removed by moderator) everyday. He’d have afternoon nap then continue til drinks ran out hence (detail removed by moderator) bedtime. Drinking (detail removed by moderator) at lunch then weaker beers at night. Abuse varied from verbal to physical occasionally. I left (detail removed by moderator) ago after (detail removed by moderator). It was such a draining and anxious way to live, like a time bomb. But yet I still worry about him!!??

    • #115914
      Bettertimesahead
      Participant

      After he left my husbands drinking escalated. At one point he went through detox, came out, continued to drink.Yet all he talks about to people is wanting me back. It’s like he cant see why we are not together. But yet like you there is a small part that feels sorry for him but then I remember how I used to feel when I’d wake up and hed be drinking downstairs or I’d get in from work and hed be in bed, having been drinking. He chose drink over me, our marriage, our kids. .So I chose divorce.

      • #115923

        Your life sounds exactly the same as mine. I would have to wake up early to beg him not to go to the shop when he got up and be on egg shells all day whilst he drank secret drinks hidden all around the house. We didn’t have any children as he had fertility issues brought on by drink. My life was a nightmare but yet I still worry over his well being even though he was (detail removed by moderator) which he breaches a lot. X

    • #116220
      coffeepotion
      Participant

      My partner drinks most days, but he doesn’t feel he has an issue… he just enjoys a drink in his eyes, its social, its how he relaxes….

      I’m terrified of him when hes been drinking heavily because I don’t know what mood he will be in, I am also livid about how much money he wastes smoking, drinking, using drugs! (then has the cheek to say he is concerned about my health…)

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