Alone

[RedFox]

Hello there,

I feel like living a nightmare. We had an argument, he told me a lots of difficult things to hear such as the fact I’m selfish, be called me names… he said I’ll always be me even if I escape as if I am f****d up. He said I am horrible to live with. That I don’t even know what love is.
He punched the furniture as he talked (angrily).
I am stuck with him. I want this nightmare to end and be free…
how can I escape… I feel terrible and I’ll probably spend Christmas and new year on my own. I’m so anxious.

[iwillbeok]

Hi hon, I am so sorry to hear you are going through this horrible time. I also thought I was alone but was surprised at the people and organisations that were there to support me when I did finally reach out.

Please phone the helpline, keep posting on here. Reach out to a friend if you feel able. The isolate us, make us dependant on them so that we feel alone and it’s all our fault as this keeps us from speaking out.

We can escape though and freedom from this nightmare is so much better than living with these awful abusers. And while I feel lonely sometimes, I wouldn’t swap all the lonely times for 5 minutes with him!

Stay strong hon, and take care xx

[Janedoeissad]

Redfox

I thought I was stuck. I thought I’d be there forever.

Fear and guilt kept me there. Mostly fear.

He punched things and threw stuff when he wanted to emphasise a point. He told me I was common. Inferred that I was less and that he took me on despite my “faults”

I left, it was terrifying and the hardest thing I’ve ever done. But with the help of the lovely ladies on here and my local women’s aid, I did it.

You can too !

You deserve the best in life and you are not the person he says you are!

[Freedomfighter]

You’re not alone Redfox, we’re all either going through or have been through the same thing. I read some where that it’s like they all have the same handbook and it’s true. I had a row with mine the other day and he was f***ing and punching the sofa his face contorted with rage as he told me I was sick in the head, hell to live with, paranoid and twisted everything he said. Told me I’m the one ruining the marriage with my crazy notions of him plotting and hiding money etc. Yesterday he was hardworking kind and thoughtful giving me hugs and cuddles. It’s all just a game to them like gambling, addictive and seeing how much they can get away with. But it’s our lives and hearts they’re messing with. It’s really scary going through this process but so far everyone has been so supportive and have believed me (he always told me no one would and I had no proof because things didn’t happen it was all in my head) keep reaching out there is help out there and everyone’s been amazing so far. Sending hugs, we can do this. We can be free

[RedFox]

Hey,

Thanks for the nice words.
He has just been very mean to me. He doesn’t talk to me directly, he insulted me when he walked in the corridor (b****) and then he texted me and insulted me further.

I feel so lonely. I wish someone was next to me and gave me a cuddle, telling me they are with me in this and they will help me. I am alone and I’m scared of sorting this mess out, how will I find a place to rent when it’s all over.. I feel like I will have nowhere to go and I am very very anxious…

[KIP.]

Hi Redfox. Can you ring the helpline. If you can find your local women’s aid, they can help you plan a safe exit. Help with housing etc.

[RedFox]

I will call them again for advice but I don’t feel it is the right time to leave.
I just hope that this time in a year, everything will be sorted and I will be able to spend Christmas with my family and not alone like this year.

We argued yesterday. He is deconnected from the reality. He shook me and I already had a headache so after that it was unbearable, it’s like my brain was broken, it was so painful. I’m still in pain today but it’s not as bad.

I want someone by my side to help me with this. I’m totally alone, I feel I’m loosing all my energy. I have no support from my doctors who refused me counselling sessions. I called for an appointment with my gp and they have nothing.

Sorting out legal stuff seems like an impossible task. Why is there no help for women like us? Why is it our responsability to pay for legal fees when we are victim if this? Why does the system allow these abusers to continue their crimes? It’s almost as if they are encouraged to do so because unless you have thousands in your bank account, then you’re stuck.

[SunshineRainflower]

Hi RedFox,

You are not alone, we are all here with you and we care. It sounds awful and very worrying about the abuse, shaking you like that, ring the helpline for advice and you can start to plan your safe exit plan. Christmas is just one day in the end, your life is so much more important and once you are free you can start to create a safe and happy abuse-free life.

I know how you feel about the system, it seems weighted against us a lot of the time. But it is possible to break free, and then we just keep campaigning for a fairer system, for women’s rights. I recently wrote to an MP, there is still such a long way to go but if we keep fighting for what is right we will get there.

I live alone now so will send most of Christmas alone but I feel ok about it, I feel a bit lonely but it is better than being mocked, put down, lied to, cheated on, gaslighted and threatened, not to mention the ever possibility of physical violence, these men are dangerous.

Please put your safety first, ring the helpline and also ring Samaritans if you just need to talk to someone kind. What about Rights of Women for legal advice? and CAB? Keep going, don’t give up, he will be draining your energy but you will have inner reserves of strength and can use these to break free.

[ineedtosurvivethis]

oh sweetie, I am so sorry you are hurting. I am too, going through the same with my dreaded ‘X’.
You are not alone you have us here on the forum. Christmas is a time where its overrated by people, even the ones with loads around them at Christmas and New Year can still feel unhappy and alone.
I am staying on my own without him for Christmas and N.Y. you would probably feel worse off if you are going to spend it with him, when he could get drunk and be worse and something bad happening. Take it as your day to rest, its your Christmas too, do what makes you feel comfortable and happy and not with the conforms of what others want or expect.

You are incredibly strong, if you want to message me so we can help each other then please do.
I know its a difficult time, you will get through this. xxxx

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