Alone at xmas

[Alittlelost]

My boyf of many years knows xmas is difficult for me.
Anyway ive been saying for weeks now can u let ur mum know im coming xmas day for lunch and for few hours before i drive (detail removed by moderator) to my family xmas day evening. I asked few times and he never told her. So i just said to him forget me coming for lunch il just pop in a few hours can u find out from ur mum when i can come. Silence.
He clearly doesnt want me to go. So il spend the day alone.
I feel like telling him that next year il find someone who wants to spend it with me. But thatd only make him worse.
I know its cos he is ashamed of me. Always has been. Even more so since i put on some weight.
I deserve better but why cant i make myself end it?

[KIP.]

Have you read about co dependence. Sometimes we need these men for our self esteem and validation. All that you should be able to get from yourself. It sounds very suspicious to me that you’re not allowed to go to Xmas at his mums. It would make me wonder what he is hiding? Do you see him mum at other times of the year. Can you ring her yourself?

[Alittlelost]

Yeh ive been around there (detail removed by moderator) months ago. I dont see what the big issue is. It was fine last year.

[KIP.]

I’d give her a ring and ask her. She may be able to enlighten you.

[KIP.]

Maybe you should just go to your family on Xmas eve?

[Alittlelost]

I have issues with my family as to why i would not want to be there very long. I try limit my time there for my own well being.many people are suprised i go at all.
Its ok im just gunnq have do this one alone this year.

[KIP.]

Maybe this will help you see that he’s not a nice person at all. I will be on my own later on and I’m looking forward to peace and quiet. I know it’s Xmas. Try to plan something nice while he’s away. Get some favourites in for yourself. Buy a DVD and some chocolate and enjoy the peace before your travels. It’s only one day out of 365 x

[Alittlelost]

I just said id arrange to go somewhere else and he said he tried make out he had now sorted it but he hasnt yet he is blaming me for being upset and making out im in the wrong for being upset. He hasnt sorted it out st all i know he is lying.

[HopeLifeJoy]

Yes he is lying otherwise he would have answered to you by now. You’re right to make your own plans.

[KIP.]

Plan your own day and ignore him. Get some treats for yourself. Show him you don’t need him to make you happy. You can do that yourself x

[fizzylem]

You could go and volunteer at the local homeless centre; help to serve Christmas dinner – turn it into a feel good. I’m on my own this year CE and CD and I can’t wait! Christmas off! I’m doing nothing and I’m going to savour every minute – no supermarket shopping, no cooking, just chilling and pleasing myself x

[Anonymous]

I spent last Christmas by myself. I wasn’t sure how it would go, but I was fine. See if you can find something to set yourself to do.

Alternatively, I know of one church nearby that puts on Christmas dinner for people that cannot afford it or are going to be by themselves. You could see if there is something like that nearby.

[Iwantmeback]

I don’t think we are truly alone at Christmas, these men would love it if we were though. We could start doing something fir others, like helping out in our local community, make it a new tradition, something that if we ever got involved with someone else, they’d have to accept that is something we do. Spend the day doing special things for yourself, have food you like, do whatever you want to do.
As for his mum inviting you, can you contact her with the excuse that you’re wondering if she’d like you to bring anything, see this visit as your last you have to spend with him, that’s what I’m doing. I’m also making other arrangements during the Christmas period so he doesn’t get to control where and what I do.
Best wishes IWMB

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