Alone & tired

[Littlepixie]

I haven’t posted in months here because I can’t find the words if i’m honest.
I’m now several months out of my marriage. The first few weeks I felt great, free & quite optimistic but it’s been gradually going downhill from then. I feel overwhelmed 90% of the time. Sundays are the worst as I think of the week ahead. What will I make for dinner, what c**p will the week ahead bring, taxiing my kids to work & activities at night plus trying to keep the house tidy.
I’m sick asking my kids to keep their rooms tidy & to help around the house. They’re teenagers & do nothing. I get accused of moaning & it takes me right back to my ex.
I just don’t want to be here anymore. I love my kids but right now I can’t even be bothered with them. On top of that Christmas is around the corner. I’m not a massive fan of it anyway but I’m dreading it this year. I don’t even know whether my son is spending it with me or his dad. My daughter will be with me as they don’t speak.
I just can’t see any light at the end of the tunnel & I have no one to talk to. I spoke to a free counselling service a few weeks ago but the waitlist is at least 6 months & I don’t have the money to pay for it.
Some days I feel like I’m going to have a breakdown.
Sorry for the long post. I know there’s people who are a lot worse off than me.

[Lisa]

Hello Littlepixie,

I just wanted to offer some support on your post and check in to see how you are doing, it sounds like a really difficult time.

It’s understandable to feel overwhelmed and exhausted from going through such a huge transitional period, it will take a while to adjust and learn ways to manage in this new chapter of your life. I imagine things feel particularly hopeless in the lead up to Christmas, especially if it’s a difficult time of year for you.

It’s good to hear that you have reached out for some free emotional support. Could you ask your GP to refer you for counselling on the NHS? In the meantime there are some free emotional support helplines that could be useful to be aware of if you need to talk to someone. The Mind website lists some of these options: https://www.mind.org.uk/information-support/guides-to-support-and-services/seeking-help-for-a-mental-health-problem/mental-health-helplines/

I can hear things feel dark right now, and you are feeling isolated and drained, but you won’t always feel this way, things will get better, even if that’s difficult to believe at the moment.

Take care and keep posting,
Lisa

[thelioness]

I know how you feel.  recovery is not linear.

Add your name to counselling – there is free counselling out there for survivors of domestic abuse.

It’s time to put yourself first. Ahead of your children.  Your self care is what matters most

LinkedIN even has some very strong survivors who share their experiences and poetry that empowers us.

How does it feel to be a survivor of domestic abuse?

[Eyeswideopen]

Hi I really relate to your post.

Initially I thought right, now I’ll have house as I want it, excited etc, but sure enough the overwhelm arrived.

Also teen kids who do little, and now need to deal with taking things to and fro their dad which means constant bags of stuff everywhere, having to take things between houses (always me doing the running, he does nothing, glad we at least move close so it’s 5min drive)

I also caught myself thinking just want to drop.all and live on my own free and simplify everything, if it was just me I wouldn’t need a big job to pay for everything etc.

But obviously love my kids, they are my best friends, and despite the chaos, I’m happiest when I have them with me. So I slowly learned to let go, and just remind myself I’m doing the best I can, and that’s all I can do. And that means often having a messy house, but it’s what it is for now.

At least there is no one shouting at me, or panicking the house for any small thing.

Hope things are better your end xx

[Author]

Posts