Always going to be this way

[Sunshineee]

I feel like I’m always going to be treat like c**p! Left one psychical, emotional, mental and verbally abusive relationship and end up seeing another emotionally, verbally & mentally abusive guy again. It wasn’t serious and it was far too soon just shows how vulnerable I am but his negative words have hurt me so badly…why do I attract these sorts of men. I feel like it’s going to be one tragedy to the next.

[Anonymous]

It definitely doesn’t have to be that way but I think when we have a bad one and then when we are reeling from them we immediately get into another one when we are the most vulnerable then we get locked into a cycle and on it goes. We have to grab the steering wheel at some point and just say Stop! to ourselves. A man doesn’t complete us. Our worth is not about them finding us worthy. That comes from – within us. So if it’s not coming from within and reflecting outward, then we have to do work on ourselves before allowing another one in so we become “whole” inside ourselves. Does that make sense? We aren’t a half looking for another half. I mean we could do that but better off if we look at it like two wholes, not halves.

I know with me, I came from an extremely abusive home life for (detail removed by moderator) years and it was hard for me to know what I wanted because I never was allowed to really know myself. I kinda did, kinda not. But looking for a guy to be in the mix “while” I was doing that, wasn’t the best idea but we do it. We all do. Who has taught us better on a grand scale?

So educating yourself when out of a relationship, healing from that but also doing self discovery here. Who am I? what are my likes, dislikes? What are my absolutes? What are my boundaries, do I have any at all? What do I like/love about myself? What does my self critic say that always mouths off in my head and where did all those accusations really come from = me or other people in my life? What are my goals, do I have any? What makes me happy, peaceful, joyful, fulfilled, what am I really good at? Hobbies, talents, skills? What are my deepest hurts and do I need to work through them “before” having a man in my life?

No, it doesn’t have to be this way at all but you have to do the work and not run away from it. I mean you can do that but, that’s not a good idea. We all do that, too and it doesn’t end well. We find ourselves right back here asking this same question.

Taking care of you and doing self-discovery and healing is a beautiful thing and Hark! Guess what? That in and of itself being quality people into your life because they sense it. When you are bleeding from every place in your being, predators – sense that, very much so and they come running…

Realizing that you don’t want to be here anymore, that you are exhausted from it all is the first step, it really is. It’s the time when the window to your being is “Open” and you ask the question and are actually poised and listening for the answer……that doesn’t always happen in life. You are at – that window – now.

[Iwantmeback]

Hi and no it’s not, what ìm doing is to take time out fir me, just me(and my dog), I’ve never been on my own. Went from my parents to being married, moved back when that ended, got my own place and moved my oh in within weeks, we’d known each other fir years but I should have still took it slower but heyho. So ìm reaffirming my boundaries because he eroded them so much,I’m finding out what makes me tick. We are fed that bs from childhood, the happy ever after, your soulmate is waiting for you to make you whole. What so I wasn’t a whole person before? What was I then? We don’t need anyone to make us whole, but it’s nice to be able to lean into them, to depend on them. If they can’t be there fir us, bye,see ya.
I realised I didn’t want to be with my husband any more when I finally said out loud,I can’t do this, I don’t want to do this fir the next 10/20 years. I’d tried to change, to be who be wanted me to be, but he kept changing the goalposts, I just couldn’t keep up.
Keep strong
IWMB 💞💞

[Eggshells]

Unfortunately, men like that seek women like us out. They sense our vulnerability and hone in. So it is far too common for women to go from one abusive relationship to another. However, I don’t believe it does always have to be like that. Perhaps the key is to take time out. Get some therapy, understand who you are and what has shaped you and give yourself time. Some of the most beautiful parts of your nature can make you vulnerable but with help, that same beautiful nature can become your strength, spent on those who appreciate it rather than exploit it.

[Author]

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