Am i a abusive relationship???

[Xxxdreamcatcherxxx]

Im beginning to think im in another abusive relationship. My partner is (Detail removed by Moderator)yr my senior, he knows what iv been through. I cant help thinking its abusive again. (Detail removed by Moderator) he spoke to me like dirt, telling me my kids are disresectful. He is harsh on them, (Detail removed by Moderator) because the girls room was a mess, he made them ppick up everything(Detail removed by Moderator), they have no toys to play with now. Iv mentioned gping put with mutual friends whilst hes working, and hes said have them to the house dont want you out in town because of your ex. I feel putdown when he talks down to me. Hes never raised a hand to me or the kids. Whenever my phone goes he says quick its your boyfriend, and in a way accuses me of cheating i suppose. (Detail removed by Moderator)i took my boy to therapy, he kept ringing to see how long i was going to be. If i miss a call, asks me why i didnt answer my phone. I seriously dont know what to think. Iv survived one abusive marriage, dont know if im reading too much into everything, i cant handle another abusive relationship. Any advice or thoughts welcome x

[iwillbeok]

Hi hon, I couldn’t just read your post without replying. I am so sorry, but it seems to me that you are indeed in another abusive relationship. My heart just sank when I read “he says quick its your boyfriend” as my ex did a version of this. If I reacted badly – I was being defensive so it must be true; if I ignored it – I wasn’t denying it so it must be true. No way to win.

Mine never raised my hand to me or our kids (though the tantrums at objects! which is still threat of physical) – its the subtle putdowns, the time keeping, accusations of cheating, the anger when I didn’t answer my phone, the walking on eggshells, it all adds up.

You’ve survived an abusive relationship before – you can do it again! Grab all the resources you can – call WA, see your GP, keep posting on here. You and your children deserve to be safe and happy.

Take care,
Iwillbeok x

[Xxxdreamcatcherxxx]

Thank you, i always thought i knew the signs, but i think i already knew the answer deep down, i just needed another perspective. Im always told im too soft on my kids etc. I dont answer ny phone in front of him, he has now started answering my phone, im sure trying to prove iv something to hide. Hes always asking me to iron hhis work clothes, to make him a cup of tea, get this or get that, im starting to feel like a slave. At first i thought it was cute he said i didnt have to work he would provide for us, but now im thinking its a form of control. Even his aunt does not like the way hes speaking to me and my kids, she has seen for herself. I had thr chance of swapping to a bigger house, he said no because he doesnt like the area, but he doesnt live with me. My dogs are his dogs. Im soo soo confused by it all.

[Xxxdreamcatcherxxx]

He always talks down to me, lectures me about my kids, makes fun when i have breakouts due to stress, critices my driving etc. I really dont jknow what to do x

[everythingwillworkout]

I’m so sorry love. Are you in any therapy for your self-esteem? I found that helpful for myself and for helping me to trust my instincts for avoiding abusers. Cognitive Behavioural Therapy has been life-changing for me. I have found that taking time for myself and focusing on building my mental health up has made all the difference to me. I also found that I kept getting into abusive relationships, so I took a break from all relationships for 6 months and am finally with someone kind and healthy like we all deserve. How long have you been with this new abuser? I know it probably feels hopeless right now, but I promise things can get better. I dated 5 abusive men, before realising I needed a break from relationships and now I am finally in a happy one, we can break the cycle x

[Xxxdreamcatcherxxx]

We have been together coming up (Detail removed by Moderator) years now. Hes good in someways, like always making sure i have money for food and if the kids need anything. But its the way he talks to me, talks yo my kids, belittles me for being a little softer on my kids and thats because of what i went through with my ex husband. I just think my guy now is showing the signs or its only now im waking up to them. I havent had therapy but iv been referred for counselling. My ex is still stalking me, he has photos already of where i am now, police have been informed. X

[still here]

Hi, dreamcatcher. the thing i notice in your post is how your partner seems controlling. WA say control is at the heart of abusive relationships. You must also be very stressed with your ex still stalking you. I’ve had more than one abusive relationship. One i left very quickly but the last one involves child contact so its not so easy to ‘leave’. this last relationship has been devastating to me because he’s been very deceptive and psychologically it has been bad and coming after leaving an abusive person already. I’ve decided not to get involved again, i’ve been on my own now for quite a few years because i dont want to risk going through any more abuse. It will break me if i do. You seem like a lovely person, not soft with your kids, but a loving mum. My daughter’s father tried to damage my relationship with my daughter. He was always criticising me too, nothing I ever did was right, and yet he did nothing himself. I notice you wrote that he doesn’t live with you and I’m glad for you that he doesn’t. One thing I’m always grateful for is that he’s not in my house. Life can’t be peaceful with him in it.

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