Am I a bad person??

[peppa-pig]

Hi,
I never used to doubt myself before my ex cane along and now (detail removed by moderator) since I left I keep feeling like every thing I do or say is wrong were my family are concerned, I’ve been told it’s part my fault because I stayed so long.
Recently I seem to say things that just upset everyone . I couldn’t afford my(detail removed) a bday gust so I made a card and she called me horrible names it was the first time anyone yelled at me since I left my ex. And now there’s another incident with a photo , it’s all little things but they make me feel awful, or am I being to hard on myself?
I’m tired of feeling like This , im trying so hard to live my life but I’m getting grief over tiny things it shouldn’t affect me like this

[gettingtired]

Anyone who tells you it’s partly your fault because you stayed in the relationship is wrong. Please do not listen to them as it’s simply not true. The only person at fault is the abuser. Anyone who disagrees with this does not understand the complexities of domestic abuse. It’s victim blaming and it’s no wonder you feel like you can’t do anything right.
My boyfriend has always used gift giving as an opportunity to be nasty towards me. He’ll berate me for the presents I’ve given him or will throw it back in my face how he spent X amount on me compared to what I spent on him. Healthy people do not behave like this!
Your(detail removed) calling you horrible names because you couldn’t afford to get her a present is abusive. She should understand if you’re struggling financially and accept a handmade card as a very thoughtful gesture. It’s very childish and cruel to behave as she did to you. That must have been so hurtful for you. If you’re not able or willing to cut toxic family members out of your life then maybe you could work on setting some boundaries in place. Dr Ramani talks about familial abuse in her YouTube videos if you haven’t checked her out before. Xx

[Eggshells]

Hi Andrea17,

Women who end up with abusive partners will often describe abusive family relationships. One of the reasons (in some cases THE main reason) for entering an abusive relationship with a partner is because it is a dynamic that they know and understand. Even if they don’t recognise their familial relationships as abusive they do know what their role is within that relationship. They also don’t know any different. If you’ve been brought up with someone mistreating you, how can you know that it is not normal and not OK?

It is not OK for anyone to blame you for your partners abuse and it is not OK for people to pick at you and bring you down.

What a lovely and thoughtful thing, to spend time and love making your (detail removed)a card. How awful to have that met with ungrateful behaviour. It sounds to me as though your Nan is undeserving of your efforts.

I wonder if you have had any counselling? It might be helpful for you in working out and understanding the relationships that you have with the people around you. Many counties have self referral to IAPT for free counselling. It might be worth looking in to. xx

[peppa-pig]

My (detail removed) is going through an awful lot right now and I think at the time she needed to vent and I was there, but all my life it’s been little digs and people being to involved, (detail removed) I ran away and only came home (detail removed) though we all kept in touch at that time it has been held against me ever since and I think I’ll always be seen as he family f**k up, even now I am a mum, I struggle financially I have no support from her father so it’s just me I only just got a job too and no one in my family have been a single parent, have been in an abusive relationship so none of them understand what it is like, so in a way I can’t hold that against them too much, it just gets to me because I feel no one understands and that’s why. I get these little digs, I have had coucillong over the years were family is concerned I t never changes anything
I just have to put up with it , in one eat out the other and try not let it bother me x

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