28th March 2016 at 1:20 pm #12412feelinglostParticipant
I left my abusive relationship about (removed by moderator) months ago, I had to move out of the family home with our two children as he would not leave. In the beginning I used to supervise contact but this never worked he would either turn up late, never turn up or when he did turn up he wasn’t very interested in spending time with them it was more about when was I ‘going to stop this nonsense’ and when we were ‘going to be a family again’. He would even turn up after the children had gone to sleep and on one occasion he turned up when he had been beaten up. He has come into my new home and pushed me against the wall threatening to punch me then laughed and walked away. Since this he hasn’t had any contact with myself or the children I have had to change my number and block various accounts of his as he would still try to contact.
Over the Christmas period he turned up to my older sons school with his mum where she grabbed me so she no longer sees them too however she gave him my new number so over Christmas he tried to contact again with abusive message and various phone calls which I never answered. After this we didn’t hear anything until (removed by moderator) he had again turned up to the school, this time the school said it wasn’t appropriate for him to be there as it causes my son to become very distress and wasn’t suitable to take him out of his classroom.
The most recent incident where he turned up to my address (removed by moderator), I never answered the door however it made myself and my two children to become very scared and distressed so I took them up to my bedroom to watch film until it was bedtime. He stayed outside of the house for around 30 minutes knocking the door and the window when I looked out the spyhole you could see in between intervals of knocking he would get back into the car and reverse it so far to looked like he had gone so I would open the door I never as I could see the headlights to the car. He then left a parcel of (removed by moderator) gifts with a neighbour she is now aware of the situation as to why we moved to our new address and why I hadn’t answered the door.
I don’t want to sound like I’m being unreasonable I would love my children to see him if he was ‘safe’ to be around. (he can become aggressive with them and our eldest has additional learning difficulties so he put him down a lot) When does this become harassment as this was very intimidating and I couldn’t sleep properly worrying that he would return.
Feeling unsure am I in the wrong?
28th March 2016 at 1:57 pm #12418AyannaParticipant
Whenever you feel threatened you are entitled to call the police. If he does this again simply call 999 and say you are very scared and feel harassed.
You can even report the (removed by moderator) incident to the police days after it happened. The police could ask your children for verification. You can tell them that he left a parcel at your neighbor’s as a verification that your story is true.
They will believe you.
The police has DV officers to whom you can speak and who can give you great advice.
Did you speak to the Women’s Aid helpline? Find out your local Women’s Aid and speak to someone there.
Ring Rights of Women and use their call back function as they are very busy. They are lawyers and will tell you your entitlements and how you can go about the situation.
Also call the NCDV. They can advise you how to obtain a non molestation order against him.
His family members have no right to intimidate you. That is a crime and you can call the police on them.
Regarding the school, you can also involve the police. Even your son can call the police if he feels threatened.
You are not alone! x*x
28th March 2016 at 2:21 pm #12421Falling SkysParticipant
He is the one being unreasonable. Report all he does keep a diary of events. We have been trained not to say anything, but I can assure you the police will take this all very seriously.
Don’t doubt yourself.
28th March 2016 at 2:48 pm #12424feelinglostParticipant
thank you for responding.
I didn’t think the police would get involved as he used to say they would just say it was a domestic disturbance if that was a family matter as he was always falling out with his family members when we were together,so I believed that they would just say he was attempting to drop gifts off for the children. (I never reported any of the incidences to the police of what happened during our relationship and after I do have a (removed by moderator) worker she is due to come over next week).
If I reported it now would it not be too late?
28th March 2016 at 4:21 pm #12429KIP.Participant
It’s never too late. You have to write down every incident you can remember. It will be logged, then if he starts to repeat this behaviour, which he obviously is, they can show a pattern. You should be able to get a non molestation order quite easily. Speak to a solicitor, most do a free consultation. He has no right to come to your home. Abusers thrive on our silence. My ex told me all the time it would be his word against mine. Well guess what, the police took mine and arrested him. Do not believe a word he has ever told you. It’s all lies designed to control and manipulate. Keep reporting and definitely ring 999 if you feel threatened in any way. The police take DV very seriously. Always speak to a DV police officer, they are specially trained❤️
29th March 2016 at 12:51 am #12455AyannaParticipant
Do not believe him. You can even call the police if a stranger on the street gives you an evil look. What the police does with it is another issue, but if you feel threatened you can call them.
Whatever you report to them will be logged.
So called domestic disturbances can be criminal offences in the end and he could get charged.
Anything can be reported at a later point. x*x
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