Am I cold like he said I was? He has suddenly gone and I feel anger

[Hereforhelp]

My estranged husband (I got out some months ago), who was seeing our child as nearby has sent me a message (to keep myself safe i will give a gist) basically saying (very emotional words) his head had gone, not good in anyway and he has gone! It’s been a (removed by moderator) now and he hasn’t made contact with our children, no explanation to them, nothing. (I knew where he would go and he did go there, a member of his family quite far away). I believe he is back (work!). I am angry at him and anxious, both are going round and round in my tummy, I cannot eat. I am not worried about him, I am fuming he would do this to our children (he did it before for a few days when we hadn’t been separated for long and it really messed their heads up as they knew he wasn’t right and acting weird so they were worried sick about him!!
WHY would he do this again!!

I don’t want him near our children as he has said himself that he is mentally unstable.

BUT at some point he will contact or worse just turn up.

I casually asked my children if they had heard from him and they both said no and our youngest said he hadn’t even thought about him which surprised me.

I am evil? Should I be worried and calling round to make sure he is ok? That’s what I would’ve done before but I feel different and it’s an alien feeling, I am angry at him and anxious. Am I cold like he said I was so many times? Always putting him last?
But I do not feel cold or evil? Maybe I do not see in me but you can from my post, please?

[SingleMomSurvivor]

You are not cold and you are not evil. The fact that you are even asking these questions about yourself and taking his well-being into consideration show that you are not a cold or evil person. Abusers are very good at projecting – meaning whatever evil awful qualities they have they accuse their victims of having those qualities. My ex calls me violent even though he was physically abusive and has been arrested. Your husband is a grown up and it’s unfair for him to make you feel obligated to chase after him & make sure he’s ok. He’s the problem, not you.

[Anonymous]

As SMS as said, you are not the problem.

In fact, from your post it appears that despite this very difficult situation and (narrowly avoids swear words) you have succeeded in imparting a sense of emotional and practical security to your kids who dont’ seem to be at all bothered by your ex.

And neither should they be. You are a proud single mum now and no doubt working your axx off holding things together. Well done you.

[Hereforhelp]

Singlemomsurviver thanks you for responding and your wise words.
Startingoveragain, your words brought tears to my eyes, as I have given my kids a security that they didn’t have when HE was still in our lives. I am going to get braver and get a non molestation order in place (DA support worker is coming over to help me).
Having been with him for decades, day in and day out, it really throw me with him going MIA and sending just one text that he has lost the plot and may not come back… today I feel stronger and do not want to hear from him. I do not feel sorry for him, I want to concentrate on now and give my kids as good a Christmas as I can! All you woman on here are helpful, strong and I thank you all ❤

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