Am I crazy?

[xHerex]

I’m having a bad day with my partner today and I don’t know if I’m being crazy or if I’m correct this morning me and my partner were in bed he started to touch me and I didn’t want to be touched in a certain place so I said to him I don’t want to be touched there please so he got up out of bed and went into the front room I asked him are you okay and are you mad at me but he just sat on his phone and said I’m fine but I could tell he was being stand offish and didn’t really want to communicate with me then (detail removed by moderator) we got into a little argument but in the argument he said it’s a woman’s duty to have sex with her man if he wants to have sex and I said wouldn’t that be rape and he said that’s just my opinion and not everyone thinks that’s way (detail removed by moderator) am I being crazy? I don’t know if I’m overacting ? I’m questioning myself? He also called his mum about me too and spoke to her about me he normally does this when we argue and it makes me feel uncomfortable I feel like he makes me out to be a bad person to her and I question myself and I start to think am I horrible am I a bad person I believe I’m not but then I do question myself and I think maybe I overeact when I don’t need to? Have I overeacted on this occasion someone help me please?

[BlueBeauty]

Sound like you need to make a decision about you. It seems like you need to get out. Your not “going crazy”.

[xHerex]

Hi bluebeauty thank you for your comment and sorry I don’t know what you mean when you say to make a decision about me sorry I’m just a bit confused and I’m really struggling to get out of this relationship

[BlueBeauty]

Hi there, xHerex. I mean you have to think about what you want and need. Sounds like you need to put your self first.

BlueBeauty.

[Watersprite]

Hello – no you are not crazy. Your body is your body no one has a right to touch you unless you consent. A man had no right to have sex with you without consent even if you are married. The law calls it for what it is – rape. He is gaslighting you and trying to make you feel in the wrong ‘crazy.’ Look up gaslighting and coercive control and the book Lundy Bancroft why does he do that. Can you reach out to women’s aid – support is available. Involving his mum is triangulating it’s what abusers do . So sorry you are going through this x

[TheHierophant]

I just wanted to come here and say that you are not crazy, you are not over reacting and you are not a bad person! It is certainly NOT a woman’s duty to have sex with their partner, and it would make sense as to why you would question yourself considering how he’s construed an extremely problematic and misogynistic worldview with ‘just his opinion’ as well as bringing in his mother to possibly form an alliance against you. You have many women here who support you and have your back. His opinions are not valid and YOU are in the drivers seat over your own body!

[nbumblebee]

Im gonna sound like a complete idiot here ive been married over 2 decades and my husband has used sex throughout our marriage as a weapon a bargaining tool and tells me all the time that its my duty to have sex i still now wonder if he is joking but in my heart i know he isnt. He has a strop if i say no gets nasty and has pushed me even elbowed me called me names accused me of having an affair if i say no. He likes to get me drunk so drunk that in his words im (detail removed by Moderator)!!!
Theres so much more he has done and still does with regards to sex and in all honesty I never ever saw it as wrong I believed truely it was what all marriages were like. Am I crazy as you have asked? Ive began to realise no im not crazy naive maybe but not crazy and sweetie you are not crazy either imagine if you had a daughter and she told you what you have us what would you say to her? Now say that to yourself.
It is your body and there isnt a single person in this world that has a right to touch it anywhere apart from you. I know how hypocritical it sounds coming from me.
Put boundries in place so he knows what is acceptable and what isnt. This certainly is not you at all dont ever think it is.
Stay safe xxxxx

[Watersprite]

nbumblebee I was the same no idea how badly wrong it was and how that was impacting me just thought it was normal or my fault or my issue even when it was really bad. Thing is at the risk of over sharing truly consensual sex is so different it’s all new to me – kind of heartbroken today at a lifetime
Of abuse it’s so clear now how I have been treated. Wish it was different for you and all of you but sadly wishing doesn’t work …. only taking action does and my goodness that’s hard. Stand tall in your bravery surviving abuse is the toughest journey whether you stay or go xx

[nbumblebee]

Thanks sadly after so long it almost just becomes a way of life. Im so glad you now have the chance experience it differently. 💜

@xHerex see there are so many of us you cant be crazy right?

[Hereforhelp]

I also wanted to echo what has been said to you. . You are not crazy… when he went to touch you and you said no, a healthy non abusive partner would’ve sensed by the way your body reacted to his touch that you didn’t want him to touch you, you also said no to him. He is sexually coercing and manipulating you so he can do as he wants with YOUR body (large print to emphasis it is your body and only you can decide if you want someone to touch you intimately, not large shout print at you). When he walked away and made it obvious he was displeased that he doesn’t have the access he wants to your body, that mood he was in is designed to unnerve you, to create doubt as he didn’t get what he wanted. Him saying that is your opinion is not true. There are laws in place to protect against Sexual Abuse.
Have you read living ING with the Dominater by Pat Craven? Another book is by Lundy Bancroft which I shall look up as I cannot remember right now.

Keep reaching out on here, keep a journal of any incidents, including what you have already posted on here… keeping a journal stopped me.feeling crazy (my husband would use sex currency, he also trued to coerce me by saying things like I am unhealthy and do not love him as I didn’t want sex with him whenever he came near me… couldn’t hug the man without him pushing himself against me… if I wanted to go out without him there was an unspoken rule that I had to X, Y Z so he wouldn’t be in a mood, I would do whatever so my children were safe from his moods.
This really isn’t you being crazy, he wants you to feel that way so that he can get what he wants.
The sexual abuse (which I didn’t know was SA at the time as was in survival mode) eroded my self worth, self esteem as I stayed with him for well over 2 decades… it has taken time to start to truly recover, for my children as well… keep posting, you are not crazy
❤️ HFH
Apologies if I have repeated what others have said, I didn’t have time to read all your replies above xx

[Eggshells]

Hi my lovely, You are not alone. Most of the women on the forum have experienced this. I put up with it for decades and I’m so proud of you for standing up for yourself.

Your body is your own and consent must be willing. If consent is achieved through coercion its not consent and therefore, it is rape.

He’s right, not everyone sees it that way – those people are usually abusive and they don’t have a normal understanding. This is abuse and unfortunately it won’t stop. Next time he might tell you that he feels rejected or that you don’t love him or that you must be having an affair. He’ll try every trick in the book – telling his mother on you for refusing sex is not one I’ve heard before. Eww!

Please be careful. If he feels he has a right to have sex with you there is a strong possibility that he will just take what he perceives as rightfully his; (detail removed by Moderator).

This is not a safe relationship for you to stay in.

Please read “Living with the Dominator” by Pat Craven. It’s a very accessible read and you may well discover that you are bring exposed to several types of abuse without even realising it. xx

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