Am I doing the right thing…

[Getmylifeback]

(removed by moderator) months post leaving. His behaviour dry up and down (I think it’s still the cycle, he just says i can’t expect him to be reasonable after what I’ve done to him (ie leave with kids whilst he was in rehab).
Last few weeks he’s been nice, too nice.
I agreed for kids to take them out Xmas eve afternoon then he and another relative are coming Xmas day.
I knew he was struggling to accept it’s over and u said thus was just for the kids nothing to do with us. When he sees kids I make myself scarce etc and not get into deep conversation.
I discussed that we’d just buy a small gift for each other from the kids but found out he’s spent a fortune on me.
This morning he dropped something off kids had left and came to say good morning to the kids. I was in my room behind my door putting makeup o n and he tried to open door. I said I was getting ready and he shoved door open anyway. Luckily I was dressed. I said he’d crossed the boundary and it wasn’t acceptable , he said he lives me and shrugged it off

Tonight he’s desperately pleading fur me to give it another go. I said no, I don’t love him like that anymore and don’t feel relaxed around him.
In his defence he’s been clean for (removed by moderator) months now and some people Have told me he’s different.
He said hes angry as I’m not giving him a chance to prove it . I keep just saying I can’t but then tonight I feel immense guilt to him and our kids . He’ll tell them he’s tried but I’m not interested and I’m scared they’ll hate m3 😢

[KIP.]

This is what comes with any direct contact. You have nothing to feel guilty about. He is not respecting your boundaries. He has no right forcing himself into your room. He has not changed. He has no right trying to make you feel guilty by using the kids. He has not changed. Remember the FOG of abuse, the fear the obligation and the guilt. Obligating by buying you a large gift after you both agreed to limit spending. He has not changed. Good for him for being clean for (removed by moderator) months. He should never have used illegal drugs in the first place so he get no credit for that. He’s using everything he can to manipulate you. You’ve told him you don’t love him anymore and he doesn’t care because he’s a parasite and only sees what he can suck from his host. If he loved you he would respect your wishes. You need to set the boundaries and stick to them. Get a legal contact order in place and do not let him in your house at all. Your kids won’t hate you. You’re protecting them. Their father hurts you and makes you feel c**p and they need to know it’s okay to walk away from that kind of relationship.

[Getmylifeback]

Hi KIP I think what I’m scared of is if he’s right and he’ll meet someone new who’ll act mother to my kids and he’ll be different with her and I’ll look in from the outside thinking I should have given him the chance. When a good friend says she can see he’s changed it makes it harder 😥

[KIP.]

When you say he’s right I’m assuming that’s because he is telling you this. They are liars. Remember the reasons you left in the first place. If he was going to change he could have done that while you were together. As for your friends comments. She doesn’t know him and what he’s capable of. It’s easy for them to pretend to change but I can guarantee within days of him moving back you will be back to square one. The real him will appear. It’s hard to get rid of them the second time. He’s emotionally abusing the children to get at you. That won’t change. I know how you fear that he will change with someone else but he won’t. It’s his personality. It’s having contact with his mind games and manipulation that is holding you back. That’s why zero contact is so important. They are your children and will always be your children no matter who comes and goes in their lives. It’s up to you to protect them x

[KIP.]

He’s still blaming you. Huge red flag. It’s not your fault, it’s his behaviour one hundred percent and he still wants you to carry his guilt x don’t do it x he will keep wearing you down. Trying different tactics till he finds your weak spot, then he will up his game.

[Author]

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