Am I going crazy

[Chillijam]

I’ve spent Christmas pre during and after looking after everyone, buying everything and putting up with my husband’s bad moods and telling me how this has been the most miserable Christmas he has ever had…. Then (timeframe removed by Moderator) I popped up to the shop to get (specific detail removed by Moderator) rang my husband and asked him what (specific detail removed by Moderator) it was he wanted. I mentioned I had bumped into one of his friends and had been chatting to them. He then phoned me back and was all grumpy and weird saying it freaks him out when I’m ages at the shop (specific detail removed by Moderator) the whole thing feels random and has left me wondering what I’ve done wrong. It’s constant he stays in bed all day then gets up grumpy and in a mood. I get left being made to feel bad… Why haven’t you come up to see me or I’m fed up having to hunt for everything or this place is a s**t hole or what have you been doing all day… It’s exhausting. Them it will all blow over like nothing has happened

[Firsttimedivorcee]

You’re not going crazy. I hear you. My ex was very similar. He wouldn’t wake until 11am on days and then would feel tired and take a nap. Everything was my responsibility. You physically and mentally feel exhausted and they’re very good at making you doubt your feelings. You constantly double think yourself, are you crazy. A relationship is 2 way.

[Chillijam]

It’s such a weirdly comforting feeling knowing someone hears you and relates to what you are saying. I just don’t know what to do, I have told him I want to split up with him (timeframe removed by Moderator) he was all reasonable and I know I’ve f****d it. Then (timeframe removed by Moderator) he was a completely different person screaming at me that I was sleeping with someone else all because I said I was going to have a coffee with my friend and that I need to let him know if it’s done. I don’t know how many times I have said it and he just won’t leave.

[Firsttimedivorcee]

I find the worst is when you have time and you can think. Just there, I started reeling the fact that this poor guy is going to be alone when I leave him, and how horrid of a life if will be, but in all reality, I’ve not stopped him from networking or making friends etc. I’ve actually always encouraged it. It’s just a wave of emotions. I would recommend writing your thoughts down. The moment that made you think about it, what you feel, what you would like and what stops you from doing what you’d like.

 

your words resonate with me so much. I worked from home yet I was accused of having an affair. When I questioned what in the world he was saying, he said it was a joke. No one was laughing though. And I would never think I’d make a joke like that. I am here if you want to talk. Praying for your strength whichever way you choose to take your next steps. x

[EvenSerpentsShine]

Sometimes I get really shocked at how many women end up having to leave their own homes, towns, jobs, friends, everything in the world that they own and have worked for. Often with little babies and pets in tow. It’s devastating and disgusting all at the same time. That women and children are driven out and not protected. But I think it’s because their abusive partners WILL NOT LEAVE.

I honestly don’t think it’s a choice to give up your whole life. It’s just the only way to get shot of them.

Seems like they will use any means to stay, and keep on getting what they want, and becoming the sad victim is the big one.

[Chillijam]

Yeah I get this too, it’s like all the different things that he has inflicted on me are pushed down and my only thoughts are how he is going to cope, is he going to be ok. In reality when I make myself feel more rational I have no friends to turn to whilst he seems to have tons. I’ve also been more intune into listening for changes. He can go from being icy angry and raging to picking up the phone with alright mate how’s it going…. I used to bring this up with him and would get told, well they haven’t done anything to me. Now though I realise if I’m genuinely hurt or upset I can’t just switch it off sure I can be pleasant but people generally will then ask me if I’m ok you sound upset. With him he’s laughing and joking. It’s so deep that even writing that I start minimizing and justifying things in my head. He doesn’t do it intentionally…. It’s his mental health…. It’s the drugs or alcohol. With help and support I am realising it’s just him intentional or otherwise it impacts me so deeply it’s changed who I am. It’s quite painful stripping away this foggy haze that’s been in place but the more I take time to really think how things are and have been and not what I have been moulded to see. I see it was all there right at the beginning.

[Chillijam]

I was talking to our local service the other day. I just kept saying millions or people separate and split up all the time. In my relationship it feels like I am going to war just to express how I feel. Even after all of it, the explaining, me taking blame that in all honesty is misplaced. He still will ignore what I want and need and just force his own narrative. He had a bag packed the bag left the house. He did not, he said he would but he didn’t and then the bag came back in the house. It’s so frustrating because I can’t clear my head with him constantly messing with it.

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