Am I having a breakdown

[Ilikechicken]

I don’t think I’m coping well. I have almost been out of my relationship for (detail removed by moderator) and I’m struggling more now then when I first left. I can’t stand the evenings I feel like I’m crawling out my skin but can’t go out and keep busy because I have my kid. I am doing things out of character for myself and keep crying when I’m alone. Did abyone else go through this, I don’t regret leaving but I am struggling to not be in a relationship and living alone. Any advice 🙁

[diymum@1]

yes i felt like this for a year after i was out. its definitely the abuse that does this to us. i felt very alone in this situation – the recovery part and the roller coaster emotions that took over every day and then the fact i had responsibilities- bringing up kids myself. im not sure if i had a breakdown at this stage it is a bit of a blur now tbh. i knew for the sake of the kids i couldnt have one much as i wanted to run. i also wondered why life had to be so cruel. all i can say is everthing will change in time. you will start to feel better – its early days. therapy would probably help you alot at this stage. a women group through womens aid if one is available. the very fact youve reached out right now shows youve taken the first step in helping yourself. this isnt an easy journey but we are here for you. stood in your shoes and i still feel vulnerable at time to this day – i always will but you will move forward – whats broken can be fixed you just have to believe it xxxx much love diymum

[BeautyMarked]

I’m so sorry you are feeling like this and from what I understand it’s completely to be expected and I have felt similar. You are brave to have left. I didn’t leave, but was cast aside like a piece of rubbish but I don’t think the manner of the end matters because it’s what has happened to you that has made you feel so vulnerable. I’m no expert and still trying to make sense of it all myself, but I relate to what you say about it seeming to get worse. diymum says it perfectly when she describes it as a rollercoaster. It does feel worse and I think you can expect to vacillate between lots of different emotions that people might not always understand. This forum is a blessing as it is full of people who understand so do not doubt yourself. By all means set out counselling or a support group or visit your GP to find something that works for you. This is the difficult part in many ways. I hope you will be on the road to feeling better soon and remember you are not alone even when it feels like it x

[Ilikechicken]

Thank you diy mum I know what you mean that having kids means you don’t have the choice to just fully fall apart. I’m sorry to hear that beauty marked they know how to treat us like nothing but something to disgard :(. I am OK in the days really it’s just the evenings I think it’s because I’m sat in with the kids and not able to keep busy or socialise. I cant have therapy or help from the Dr’s as it would be used against me (detail removed by moderator). I am just spiralling and unable to make proper choices. I had sex eith a friend and I don’t even know why, it was a stupid choice and I knew it but I did it to just not have that feeling. I hate myself, it’s been around (detail removed by moderator) months I should feel better by now I just can’t get myself together. 🙁

[KIP.]

I don’t know who told you that therapy would be used against you in court. Challenge that. I went without therapy because of that stupid reason and it nearly destroyed me. The whole point is he damaged you so badly that you need therapy. If it’s not intensive trauma therapy then there are many other forms that will help you cope. CBT, mindfulness, even talk therapy. Don’t accept this attitude and seek out good counselling. I ended up with a superb charity. The NHS were a disgrace. You need therapy now. To help you get through this debilitating stage and to teach you coping skills x

[KIP.]

We are extremely vulnerable for a long time after an abusive relationship. Women’s aid advise two years before entering into another relationship and I know why you would have wanted that closeness. Trauma steals rational thinking and until the trauma is addressed and you’ve healed you’re in a very weak and vulnerable position.

[Fudgecake]

Hey Ilikechicken ,
This is a question I ask myself daily. I think if I let myself I would probably have a breakdown but I have an adult kid who’s struggling with the aftermath too so one of us has to remain together. Every so often I get this intense feeling of s**t what just happened and am I really in this new area not knowing anyone? It’s like you take the blinkers off for a second. I’m trying to keep mine firmly on…so I guess wha you’re going through is to be expected as I’m not that long out. I went to the doctor and am on antidepressants so hey ho. But as KIP says I feel very vulnerable atm like a lamb amongst wolves 🐺

[RainbowsandSunshine]

I feel exactly the way that you have described llkechicken. I wanted to let you know that you are definitely not alone in feeling the way you do. It’s incredibly hard for us when we leave and I don’t think that anyone can fully appreciate how we feel. I think it might be what kept us going in the relationship for so long. I’m no expert but wanted to let you know that I get it while also sending you a virtual hug. X*x

[Ilikechicken]

Thank you all. It is oddly comforting to know that this feeling isn’t wrong and that others have experienced it to. I think it is def wise to stay away from relationships, I don’t even understand why I am craving affection. I am allover the place and I just want to be OK now as I am worrying about how much I’m detaching from ppl and my kids and acting unlike myself. Thank u for all the kind words and help. I need to put my postivie head on. Sending virtual hugs to u all xx

[Bruisedbutbrave]

I know exactly how you feel .I have those days .
Its not easy after years of abuse and toxicity
People cant see the emotional and psychological damage .counselling is for an hour ,you are left alone then to deal with your life
You pick up your pieces every single day and get on with life .you work look after kids and be as normal so no one point fingers on your sanity .
I feel tired and exhausted .
I feel worse after the court hearing
Justice system is meant to be there to help abc support the victim but I feel as if they are bullying me
Laughing at me for being protective of my children
Judge thinks I should just get over and let the children be with their father who has no criminal record but abused me physically emotionally psychologically financially raped and sexually assaulted me for years and despite all of that in their eyes I am the one who is being difficult .
I am not having a good day
I feel worse than when I left few months ago
The justice system should be there to support the victims not to bully them and make them feel it was far easier to stay in that abusive relationship and pretend to be happy

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