Am I Normal??

[Beenherebefore]

Hello all. I feel like I don’t have the right to be posting on here anymore as it’s been a few years since my abusive relationship. Almost instantly I left I found a wonderful new partner who has literally changed my life. He is kind, supportive and not abusive. We are now married (something I have dreamed of being all my life- to find the right person to settle down with and start a family etc). However, probably once every few days, I have dreams about my abusive ex. I am ashamed to say that sometimes they are ‘nice romantic’ dreams too mostly. I now live far away from him but my husband and i sometimes venture near the old places we used to visit due to one reason or the other. When we do, I am looking around eagerly searching for the ghosts of the romantic memories myself and my ex had….i picture those moments again and almost hope to bump into him. He was a nasty man and I couldn’t ask for a better husband but my mind keeps playing tricks on me and only remembering the heightened romance (as it was usually- and would usually follow or preempt abuse). I just would have expected all this to go now as it’s been a number of years. If any one has any thoughts I would be grateful, I don’t know what’s wrong with me. Xx

[Iwantmeback]

Hi that’s it in a nutshell, your mind is remembering the good times, protecting you of the bad times still. Fir years id think of my ex even say his name, and he wasn’t(so i thought) abusive. It’s not until this has taken legs and arms that i no longer think of him, funnily enough i never remembered any good times, yet there were lots. I wouldn’t read too much Into it, just enjoy your new partner and the life you’re setting up together. It’s just memories 💕💕

[fizzylem]

Hi BHB, its rubbish isn’t it when they pop into our minds, invade the way they can. These relationships often give us intense feelings of love, which can not be sustained, but can be something to remember with desire! I agree, we remember the good times sometimes and block out the rest for a while, I imagine some of us can slip in and out of this for many years?

When I got these thoughts, and for a long time afterwards – so it took practice, I focused on trying to think about the man he really is, I reminded myself how dreadful he has been to deal with, cold, callous, manipluative, the lies and so on. So I replaced any hopeful, wishful thoughts from the past (because thats what they were at the time yes? When you actually felt this way), with the real experience of him. I kind of made myself that promise, if one of these thoughts pops in, I will then think but what is he really like!

I eventaully got to a place where to think of him only turns my stomach. I couldn’t imagine being with him at all now. It’s a process isn’t it, that requires us to attend to it now and then – the effects of an abusive relationship. Also, loved reading about your new life! You made it! x

[teabag]

i had the craziest dream. i was with my abusers brother and in the dream he proposed to me. when we were sharing the news my abuser was crying. now that was a strange dream and i have never had any feels for my exes brother whatsoever!

[Iwantmeback]

Hi Teabag, did your ex’s brother know of the abuse did he try to protect you in some way or another . It’s maybe your subconscious remembering what he tried to do for you?
IWMB 💕💕

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