Am I over thinking?

[Midnight.wolf]

Hello 🙂

Iv been encouraged by my dad to join here to get some support.
I’m stuck and I don’t know if I’m over thinking things or it actually is going on.
Iv been with my partner for a good few years now and we have a child.
I have never been very into sex but since child was born the thought alone makes me cringe. Iv avoided doing it for years but the harassment is getting worse. I haven’t thought much of it other then it being gross but my dads said it is sexual harassment. He’ll say things in front of the child who has now learn what inappropriate touching is and will tell people what he does to me. He keeps touching me when he walks past and will often try to push me on to the bed despite being told clearly to leave me alone. He’s discussed it with his friends and I often see comments about it on social media. He’s told me it’s his right and I’m f****d in the head for not being normal.
I also feel he loves being control of everything and always turns it around to me being f****d in the head or I’m making a deal out of nothing. He controls the finance because I don’t work, I don’t have access to the bills or know how much debt he has racked up.
I feel like I’m going in circles and not sure if I’m just being too sensitive or if this is actually forms of abuse?
I’m so lonely

[Overcome]

If it makes you feel bad and you have told him that, and he continues to do those behaviours, then that is abuse. My ex always told me I wasn’t well in the head, that was until I went to counselling and they opened my eyes to what was actually going on… soon changed his tune then!
Also, hats off to your dad for trying to help you! It must be quite hard for him to witness what’s going on I bet he feels like doing something he would regret!
This forum have been amazing to me and always there when I need to vent. Someone will be along soon with better advice, I am only just getting out myself.

With love,

Overcome x

[Lisa]

Hi Midnight.wolf,

Firstly, welcome to the forum. From reading your post, it’s understandable that you would be seeking out some support and advice around this, so well done for taking that step.
As Overcome has already validated for you; this man’s behavior isn’t acceptable, it is abusive. It’s difficult to see the abuse for what it is when you are in the relationship, so learn to trust your instincts. All those uneasy and uncomfortable feelings are occurring for a reason. Never doubt also, you right to get help for both you and your child. He will no doubt say things to make you feel guilty and doubt yourself further around this. Prioritize your needs and that of your child right now. The way this man has groped you is sexual assault. The way he expresses it as his absolute right to do so makes him an abuser and not a good husband or father.
Ultimately it is now up to you to explore what type of help you may want to engage in. Your local domestic abuse service can be a good place to start as it’s free, local and often has a variety of support offered. You can search for your local service here. ‘What is Abuse‘ information can be found on Women’s Aid website which you may find useful to read.
Again, I hope you continue to post and use this forum as a place of support and understanding. The women on here have the insight and empathy that can help you gain clarity on what you may want to do. I wish you all the best moving forward.
Take care,

Lisa

[Author]

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