Am I overreacting?

[Manny]

My husband and I are comfortably off. We have two family sized houses – one in an idllic location.
Over time, my husband has alienated my entire family, who now will not come to stay while he is present. He is unwelcoming, surly, sometimes rude and generally unpleasant. They are respectful towards him, well mannered, hardworking and great company. He will not engage with any of them, he will not accompany us on outings of any kind. When I go to visit them, I go alone. On one occasion, when I’d gone, I discovered that he’d been visiting an ex girlfriend and also (detail removed by moderator). He was livid when I tackled him about it. I’ve never had much of an apology. He was mainly angry that he’d been found out. All of this has been insidious. It has broken my heart as I have always been close to my family. I’m truly distraught about it. He simply can’t understand this, and won’t console me.
He’s emotionally distant. It’s significant that, when I’m feeling so sad about this, he is the last person I’d go to for help.
He is also a perfectionist – if there’s a tiny problem involving the house, he becomes almost manic until it’s fixed.
He has a hobby which occupies much of his time and all of his headspace. He is constantly on his laptop. He constantly checks his mobile when we’re out to see if there are any emails. He is totally unable to relax. I’ve asked him on numerous occasions to set boundaries on this. He does – for a few days and then it starts again. There is something almost fanatical in his obsession with this.
I’m well aware that all of this sounds trivial, and that there are many out there in much worse situations.
My question is – does this constitute emotional abuse? Particularly the family thing. I feel like the invisible woman now – tiptoeing round him and trying to feel as if I even exist, as all he does is ignore me.

[KIP.]

Absolutely it’s abusive behaviour and sounds like he’s been cheating too. All typical entitled behaviour you’d expect from an abuser. Isolating you from your family too. Can you contact your local women’s aid? Read Living with the Dominator by Pat Craven. No, you’re not overreacting, youre being abused x

[Author]

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