Am I overreacting?

[Sunshine227]

After a couple of weeks of peace he is back to tormenting me. This time he has somehow tracked down people from years ago in my past to find ‘dirt’on me. Won’t tell me who, just that I’m a terrible person and falsely accusing me of things that didn’t happen years before I even met him. I don’t know if I’m overreacting but I feel so uneasy all the time, he always has something over me even when its not the truth. It feels more than coincidence that hes suddenly randomly met people from my past many many miles from home and managed to start a conversation about me. Maybe its nothing. But the thoughts have set in. Did he meet someone or has he somehow tracked my messages from years ago. Probably being paranoid, maybe its nothing but it feels horrible. I can’t stop worrying about it and there is nothing I can do again. Why does he always cause me angst by doing things I can’t control, that aren’t serious enough for me to get measures in place to stop it? For a few weeks I felt safe in my home but now its uncomfortable and feels wrong again.

[Lisa]

Hi Sunshine227

I just wanted to show you some support. You are not overreacting at all. It’s awful that he has done this to you, you haven’t done anything wrong and yet he is making up accusations which must really hurt you. What he is doing is emotionally abusive and very serious.

Please consider getting some support from your local domestic abuse service if you haven’t already. You could have a chat to a Women’s Aid worker in confidence via our Live Chat service
(weekdays 10am – 4pm and 10am – 12pm weekends). They won’t tell you what to do, but can discuss your situation and signpost you to other support that’s relevant for you. You can access the chat service here: https://chat.womensaid.org.uk/

Take care and please keep posting!

Lisa

[Wiseafter]

Hi Sunshine227 Please follow Lisa’s advice, you are not overreacting at all. He is choosing to hurt you, cause distress, confusion and anxiety. Telling you you are a terrible person and causing you to worry that he somehow knows things about you to shame you. This is deliberate and abusive and makes you feel ‘horrible’ instead of loved, supported and appreciated. Highly manipulative and controlling men use every trick in the book to mess with your head, make you paranoid and nothing, literally nothing, is off limits. You have a right to a past, you have a right to make mistakes and have all kinds of experiences with all kinds of people. It is NOTHING to do with him. Him tracking and ‘finding out’ stuff is just another form of abusive behaviour. You have the right to previous relationships, as many as you like. You had a life before him. So what? You have nothing to be ashamed of, hold your head high. Take the emotion out and you see this pathetic, desperate behaviour for what it is, designed to intimidate and scare you. It is abuse. Stay calm, don’t react. Write down what he says/does and how it makes you feel and get some support. You will get through this. x

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