Am I the one stopping the relationship from moving forward

[Feelinglost8]

Hi all,

This is my first post so I was looking for some advice really. I’ve been in my relationship for the past (detail removed by Moderator) years or so, things started off amazingly well and got slowly gradually worse, there’s been physical incidents such as him spitting at me, pinning me against the wall, pushing me about, but the verbal abuse has been the worst part of it all. I’ve been called all kinds, belittled, humiliated and made to feel like what I do isn’t enough. I told him I wanted to leave.

He’s made real changes, like he’s stopped drinking, the physical things have stopped although the verbal abuse still happens from time to time and he’s very snappy. But he says this is because of me, and I think he could be right. I feel as though I’ve almost completely detached, I can feel how cold and frosty I am towards him, I don’t want him to touch me anymore, it makes me tense up. I think the things he’s said about me have finally got inside my head. I can’t warm towards him and he told me we could be happy again if I could just be my old self. I’m trying but is it too late to save this relationship and can anyone relate? Thanks x

[Thereisalwaysaway]

You’ve detached due to the abusive ways he has been treating you. It will only get worse. I’m in a similar position but I’m trying to get out.

[Feelinglost8]

Thanks for replying. I’ve also made the decision to leave, I even went as far as going through with referencing for a house I went to view after saving a deposit over the last year or so but I couldn’t go through with it in the end because he tells me I’m the reason we don’t get along and he loves me and doesn’t want me to go. He keeps telling me how stressed he is and I’m not easy to live with. I know I’m not easy to live with, I do the best I can physically, I do all the cooking and cleaning, pay my fair share of the bills.  His (detail removed by Moderator) dying from (detail removed by Moderator) and I feel like I need to support him.
I do feel very hurt and can’t seem to let the past go. I don’t know if people can change. I think if he didn’t continue with the verbal abuse it would be easier for me to move on. But the fact he regularly calls me an idiot and a r****d means to me that he isn’t ever going to completely stop. Also when I ask can we talk about things so we can try and move past he will shut me down or he will talk to me, give me no eye contact and basically the things I bring up to him that I’m upset with, he will repeat back at me and say I do those things. I feel like I’m going crazy at times.

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