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The initial flurry of activity from agencies I think has officially passed. Strangest adult services referral ever, I was completely honest told her she couldn’t help, she said she was taking it to the next level and then rang back and said we cant offer it within ten minutes. I think she thought I was strange cos I told her straight the last time they got involved his threats got worse. I think my reputation precedes me I am too awkward to deal with. Which is why even the PPU no longer contact me. I am not complaining because his threats are still very fresh in my mind from last time, but am I the only person who sees every other person on the planet bar a rare few as a threat. It is like my radar has gone into overdrive and I am almost waiting for them to do something that is bad. I am on the phone to this women and all I can think is lets not kid ourselves you are just going through the motions and ticking your boxes which is why I am completely honest cos they have no intention of doing anything anyway. When exactly did I turn into this person who is so pessimistic and unpleasant that when I put the phone down I could almost slap myself. Don’t get me wrong I am always polite but my honesty is next level and it very much comes across as why are you bothering with me :$
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I think a lot of what the agencies does is tick boxes and if you are not a standard case and have other issues yourself, you just don’t fit their adgenda.
I wasted hours of time on the phone and seeing people earlier in the year and I had to answer so many quesitions and because I was not looking to be rehoused etc I did not fit the criteria for any help.
They fill these forms in and have to go back to the Manager who 9 times out of 10 refuses.
There are some of us who need extra understandning if we have disabilities but there in none, we are just a case number and all of my cases have been closed.
If you can’t go out to see them they rite you off, there is no provision for people with disabilities.
The Police are a threat to me due to how they have treated me , I don’t think you have turned pessimistic or unpleasant the system is awful all forms and criterias that cannot be changed etc.
I have no faith in anyone, Womens Aid do give me telephone help but I desperately need someone face to face. In all the years I have tried to get help WA never once said about telephone suppoet until recently, just no you have to get to us or meet us somewhere.
We are just part of the system and if our issues don’t fit then thats it you case is closed, they offer allsorts and when push comes to shove they don’t deliver it.
Fancy telling you they are taking it to the net level and then saying they can’t, Iv had so many fasle promises , the Police coming in telling me there is help out there, see your GP, he is about as useful as a chocolate tea pot and does’nt care at all.
It no wonder we feel as we do. (detail removed by moderator).-
Hi Godschild, I feel a lot like you, there is only so many times you can be disappointed. To expect nothing is self preservation. When this first started I took all the help I could it got me nowhere and now I think I manage better mostly on my own. I once said to a public protection woman you will get fed up before I am ready, she said no we will still be here and she was gone shortly after. They aren’t in it for the long game, it is about results. I understand that and you know that once an agency has been involved they are not interested in doing it again which is why you get sucked into the whole tick box exercise thing. You can say anything be as honest as you like and you know they are not going to take you on because the chances are they will not be successful and they are not interested in failure.
I once went for counselling before I was completely agoraphobic and that sparked a referral because I was honest so I had to stop going because she would have to keep referring. I got him help that sparked a referral. I asked the police for help that sparked a referral. The system is set up to stick us in a loop and leave us there going round and round. I have now got to the point when dealing with agencies where I state at the end of the tick box call if anything happens on my head be it, it is my responsibility. I am fairly sure they quote that in their files till the next time.
I understand why Womens Aid workers do not go to houses, but that was part of the reason mine did not last long. AS for the police I have been very lucky, I have one station I use, one officer in particular that if I really need help with something I will ask him. Purely because he does not do the whole empty promises thing and is as honest as his job allows him to be and I can’t ask for any more than that. Although I really don’t bother him if I can help it.
We are invisible except online. My agoraphobia helps me hide the other issues that I have so I suppose it could be worse. Were you different before all this? I was the complete opposite, I had certain issues but I was able to work round them. I was friendly, outgoing and trusting hard to believe now.
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I agree. I sought help, was told of all sorts of help and support I’d receive and pretty much none of it has materialised. I needed my sons passport for a school trip. I wanted to return home to get it. The police refused to come with me. I went myself when he wasn’t there and his father turned up, forced entry to my house and subjected me to horrible verbal torrent before leaving and the police did nothing. Told me they are slowed to do that in my home if my partner face them a key. I feel so desperate and alone. Nobody helps for real. It’s all just talk. X
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Before I was a victim of him I was a specialist (detail removed by moderator). I can’t make the most basic of daily decisions now. Food shopping reduces me to tears while the police protect my abuser allowing him to do what he wants to me. X
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Hi Escaped not free, I have sat here for the last hour with a bottle of pills thinking how easy it would be to just opt out. How do you even get your life back? Where do you even start? I don’t think about things if I can help it but today it seems to be following me around and I need it to stop. :{ I am fed up of going round in circles not finding a solution that works, give it a month or two and we will be back here again and I want to scream enough!!!
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A litle lost, I have suffered form agoraphobia for decades, but Im sure it has got worse as he has ground me down. When my children were pre school I had a lot of friends I struggled to get out but it gradually got worse and for many years I have been pretty isolated with just him.
How long have you suffered. Is it a direct consequence of the abuse.
So true they want results on paper.
Escaped not free, its awful that the Police won’t help, I have found them awful in my area, a lot of them utter bullies themselves.
The law was supposed to have changed re emotional /verbal abuse but the Police dont even seem aware of it in my experience they understand and know nothing about domestic abuse either.
I can fully understand how he has made your mind so bad, I have bad days when I cant cope with decisions, I have just had two different viurus’s that have laid me low and I feel so ill and depressed now and cant even decide what to eat and feel I cant be bothered with myself at all and he still ploughs in with horrible verbal stuff, the latest being have I got voices inside my head telling me about the so called abuse, I need to see someone for it !!!! , I know its nonsence but when you are low it drags you down.
It seems you have his family at you as well as him, there is no justice at all.-
Hi Godschild, On and off for years but I managed to get out maybe three times last year, not yet at all this year. The voices thing, i got that, he had me thinking I was losing the plot for weeks with his stupid games it was only when I caught him in the act did I realise it was not me, I was so scared. I am just tired fed up of being anxious, fed up of looking at everyone with suspicion but then not being able to trust them even when I want to. He has not even been that bad the last week or so, but my mind has gone into replay mode and I cant seem to shut it off, everything is reminding me of things that have happened its driving me nuts.
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A little list,
I totally agree. If it wasn’t for my children I’d have seriously been at that point with a bottle of pills. But then if it wasn’t for my children if just leave, far far away. Don’t do it. Don’t let him do it to you. I know how I are feeling, I’m there too. But surely at some point will one little thing get better? I hope and pray each day that it will.i can’t leave my children. I need to be there for them. -
You are totally right, Sorting them out into a tub made me feel like I have a way out and that kinda made me feel better in a warped kind of way. It stopped me crying anyway. I will be ok just having a pity party I think 🙂
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You need to live. You have to fight. Fight, fight fight.
You need to see your victory.
We are women. We do not let abusers win over us.
Do not give up! Never ever give up!
Everything will change. Nothing lasts forever.
You will see better times.
All these services are just useless, they employ people who have not the faintest clue what abuse victims go through.
We need to help ourselves.
That is the hardest part when we are broken. x*x-
Thank you Ayanna, that is lovely and such strong words and I know it is true, I needed to know I had a way out, I did not care how. it probably sounds crazy but in that moment of madness once I knew I did. I felt a little calmer, it was not such a huge thing I did not feel so trapped. I am fighting, I just feel like I have a bit more control now. x*x
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