Am I to blame just as much?

[Anonymous]

I can’t help but feel that maybe I’m just as much to blame for this whole situation.

I never tell him when he p****s me off as he is never wrong and I’m not strong enough to get my point across. I just cry and then he gets fed up.

He’s always right and I can’t verbalise what I’m thinking and I feel like I’m being tied up in knots. Maybe if I could learn to argue better – get my pint across then I can make him understand and make him love me the way he should.

I’ve never been able to tell him no. He gets upset when he can’t have his own way and I hate seeing him so upset and mopey so I’ve always told him yes – now I have different visions for my life and have told him no – now I’m different and just like every other woman around, he wants a new wife.

All this makes me sound totally pathetic – but it’s how I feel inside every single
D**n day.

Why can’t I just tell him how much he hurts me mentally, instead of forcing the conversation every night so we don’t sit in silence with him on his phone or watching the football? Making light hearted small talk, appearing on top of the world? Instead of showing how crushed and broken I am?

I’m taking my antidepressants again because sometimes I truly feel that death would be easier – I’d never act on it, my kids mean more to me then I mean to myself, but my God I’m tired.

[SilkyHalide]

Hi Timetomoveon
You sound just like me.
I didn’t acknowledge the harm this was doing to my children and now my daughter bullies me too.
It’s when I realised they were both suffering from the control too I decided I had to go but it still took me 4-5 years to manage to not give in to his guilt trips. When you are a person who hates the thought of causing hurt to anyone you keep taking that hurt on yourself to not feel the guilt of hurting someone even when they are hurting you.
I’ve done it now and you can too but build up your support network as quick as you can. Do you have family and friends? If he’s eroded that they will come back if you reach out to them. I’ve been amazed at the support I’ve had from people who I thought I had lost. Use messenger or private messenger on other social media. I got a tablet that is just mine and it’s been a lifeline as I can chat to people wherever I am and they’ve helped me get strong. Xx

[Anonymous]

I’m really lucky that I have one friend and my mum who I can talk to, and coming here and being able to offload to people
Who genuinely understand has been amazing.

I still doubt myself every second of the day, especially when he is being the nice man that I married. I believe that i am not right in the head and that I am making things seem worse then they are, even if my friend and mum disagree.

Thank you for replying to me x*x

[Starmoon]

You sound similar to me. My now ex was/is the love of my life. Can be totally amazing and make me feel like nothing will brake us and then suddenly it feels like a switch has flipped and we are arguing over something I can’t even get my head around. He will tell me that I can’t communicate properly and that I never see things from his side… I actually think I see things from his side far too much. I make allowances for him verbally and physically hurting me. Or at least I did. He’s left me now with a tiny new born baby and I’m more broken than I’ve ever ever been-. All my friends and family tell me that he’s a narsacist and he’s used me for what he wanted and cast me aside. He’s playing the nice guy now saying it’s all about contact with the children. Please find some strength to be the one that walks away before he’s broken you into nothing

[Author]

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