Am I wrong?

[Raindays]

So (removed by moderator) I went (removed by moderator) Xmas shopping much to my partner hating it as he hates me going out, and (removed by moderator) he told (removed by moderator) I’m a liar after he found out where I’d been by asking him and I always lie to him,
I should have told him I went somewhere else Cos it just makes me look like I am deliberately lying with things to hide.
This has been my argument and he is suppose to be changing! I asked him to leave (removed by moderator) Iv old him for weeks I do not want this anymore the controlling all of the time and now he is blaming my children saying they are causing trouble but he will always blame someone else and again saying he will change and for me not to make him leave.
I’m just going round in circles. I cannot do anything without feeling trapped, and I question my own feeling, surly I should be allowed to do things I want without constantly having to explain myself and him saying bad things about me to my children?!
I just don’t even have the strength to keep doing this x*x

[Iwantmeback]

Hi raindays, I just wanted to reply to you. You may not feel you have the strength to carry on but believe me you do. You are so much stronger emotionally than you know and more importantly than he’ll ever realise. I’ve left my oh a good few months ago, I’m still accused of lying to him, which I admit I do, as I now see that I’m still doing so to try and keep the peace but he still finds out and so feels justified in getting angry. I’m seeing that this will only end when I no longer have anything at all to do with him. I recently distanced myself another bit financially from him. Slowly baby step by baby step I’m breaking away, until one day I know I will put in for a divorce. I don’t know why I’m not doing it any quicker, I mean the best way to remove a sticking plaster is to RIP it off quickly. Yet still I conform but I’m also noticing it’s becoming less and less. I was with my oh for over 2 decades nearly 3, I guess I’m more controlled than I thought I was😏 I understand why you ‘lie’, it is done just to keep the peace, take heart in knowing that one day you WILL get away from him. It has to be when you’re ready and not before, every step has to be meticulously planned in order for you to emotionally distance yourself. You can do this. I never thought I’d be in the ‘after abuse’ part of this forum. I did leave, I no longer live with him or let him talk me into staying over. We do what we do when we live with them and when we don’t, in order to get through the relationship, what’s right fir me might not be fir you and what’s right fir you might not be for someone else. We do what we do to survive plain and simple, because we’ve had to adapt and modify our behaviour fir so long. Take enjoyment wherever you can, keep journaling his behaviour, build yourself back up, gain the strength and resolve that he’s knocked down. You can do this
IWMB 💞💞

[Raindays]

Hi Thankyou
Yes sometimes I’m actually scared to say where I’m going even though I only went to a different shopping place with (removed by moderator).. the whole idea was to spend time with my (removed by moderator) but I knew he would want to come as he doesn’t allow me to do anything on my own so u just said I’d gone to local shops. It’s stupid that I feel the need to lie but from years of been with him I know what the reaction will be,
Me also over 2 decades 😩
I’m fed up with asking him to leave
If I could leave I would but I have a business from home and all my kids here and it would be easier for him but he plays on it
(removed by moderator) I asked him to leave yet again and he just said it’s not fair on kids it’s Xmas in a few days and I’m again listening to other ppl what they say about him
He always blames others he is not to fault…
He can see I’m u happy but doesn’t care as long as he is..
totally acting like nothing has happened again (removed by moderator)  expecting me to talk to him as normal and I just go round in circles 😔 x*x

[KIP.]

Have you thought about a solicitor writing to him and making it formal. Asking him to leave the property. That way it’s logged and legal? You can also ask the police to get involved and ask him to leave. Are you being supported by women’s aid?

[Raindays]

Hi Kip,
I Havnt even called Wonans Aid, I can’t get away from him and he never leaves the house. When I try to go anywhere I’m questioned as to where I am how long I will be who I’m going with, Then he will kick off and say I’m lying or other than that I’m with other people so trying to call them is so difficult as I know I’m going to need some time to go thorough things so I really don’t know what’ helps out there other than a refuge. Right now I’m trying to get through Xmas but the sheer thought of him here now is getting to me to the point I want to leave myself.
I keep asking him to go in the hopes that he will just go, all the promises of change are very short lived and he also plays on metal health anxiety that I don’t believe he hasn’t got but I can’t just keep putting up because of his issues. He blames treatments from previous relationships and that I have to support that but quiet frankly after 2 decades of this i don’t want to keep supporting it, I want to be alone I have enough of my own issues. Surly it isn’t my job to take care of him? Xx

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