Am not sure if It is abuse

[sapphireopal]

I am a newbie
Married a long time, I have arthritis fybromyalgia and a few other medical conditions.
For over a year my parted is not giving me the help I need. This is stressing me out and causing immense pain for me.
We row non stop and I just can’t cope any more.
There ha been minimal vilonce unlike many of you, so I to wonder if I am in the right place.
I get shouted at a lot and blamed for everything, and my health is getting worse.
To cap it we live in rural area with no public transport and I don’t drive, so because of this and I have nowhere to go my partner thinks I won’t leave him

[EeyoreNoMore]

Heya, are you able to call the Women’s Aid helpline?

I called the National Domestic Abuse Helpline too and the ladies were fabulous on both lines.

We all need support and these are great places to start.

xx

[Ayanna]

Of course you are in the right place.
Withholding help is close to a criminal act.
I have fibromyalgia too and I know how painful that is.
Mine was diagnosed whilst I was in an abusive relationship and it got so much worse from the abuse and stress.
If you have reached a certain age you could also consider that you suffer from elder abuse.
Your GP has to put up a safeguarding plan for you.
That means that social workers have to get involved and help you to get to safety.

If you can call Rights of Women. They may be able to tell you more about your legal rights.

You do not have to live like this. There is a way out.

Keep posting. We will make you strong.

[Racoon]

I’ve just sent you a private message with a link that you may find helpful.

[strong soul]

You obviously need physical and emotional support. Reach out to your doctor. You shouldn’t be made to feel this bad or have your physical needs ignored. Good luck

[Serenity]

Hi There,

I have fibromyalgia too, and I am pretty sure the abuse caused it.

I agree that you need to call Women’s Aid. I promise that it will be a watershed moment for you. You will feel validated by experts, who can help then offer you further practical advice.

Keep posting x

[Mish]

Hi
I’m new to this, I too wasn’t sure my husband was abusive as I always associated abuse with violence and whilst he has done a couple of things, grabbed me by the throat, knocked me off my feet but only a couple of things in (detail removed by Moderator) of marriage. It wasn’t until recently when he said he wanted me to die he said it more than once and it wasn’t during a row, I realised he really wasn’t right. I looked up the meaning/signs of a passive aggressive and realised that is exactly what he is. All my married life he has controlled everything every day. Up until (detail removed by Moderator) ago I threw myself into work, was never at home so it was ok. My boss said to me one day do you realise that that man is capable of killing you to which I answered don’t be daft! That was years ago.

I reduced my workload (detail removed by Moderator) ago when my mum was (detail removed by Moderator) so I could look after her. My son left for uni (detail removed by Moderator)later then my health deteriorated. I have osteoarthritis in both hips and some other health issues. This is about when he got really abusive. Anything from letting my tyres down to turning the heating off so the house was freezing. (detail removed by Moderator) Its like he is rubbing my nose in it! He bugs the phone so he knows what I am doing. I have had to get a lock on my bedroom door. I still accepted all of this and kept away from him, more or less living in 1 room but (detail removed by Moderator) when my son was out one evening he excelled himself and we had a row over something stupid, he grabbed me by the throat, I had a mug in my hand which I dropped. Managed to get away from him to my room. I could hear him pacing knowing he had gone too far. What I didn’t know was that he had scratched his face so when my son came home after being out (detail removed by Moderator) he greeted them and said I had attacked him! (detail removed by Moderator) I went to look after my mum as usual who was gravely ill at the time and when I got back went to my room and was called down by my husband and there were 2 police officers waiting to arrest me for assault! I was arrested at (detail removed by Moderator) and held in a cell absolutely petrified until I saw a solicitor at (detail removed by Moderator). She took my story and looked at the extensive bruising on my face, neck and arms and my knee which had been bleeding as he had knocked me to the floor and told me he had been very clever. I was questioned and released without charge. I have never got over this and wont as I felt so degraded. I did take the solicitors advice and went to my GP who measured and recorded in detail all the marks on my body.

Now I am in the process of divorcing him, its scary, my son blames me so I have lost him which is heart-breaking, I am now quite disabled but realised I don’t care where I live my life will be hard, but I will be free and safe of the only way of life I have known in (detail removed by Moderator) years. So glad I contacted women’s aid.

[intheteapot]

‘Minimal violence’ is not okay. No level of violence is okay. You are absolutely in the right place.

[Anonymous]

Ring the women’s aid line for advice it is not OK to be blamed for everything and it is not OK to be shouted at. I lived like that years, scolded, ranted at, blamed, I got so myself & adult son were treading on eggshells 24/7 I also witnessed my abuser abusing his elderly mother, again something he cleverly hid from the outside world, thus appearing the caring loving partner & son to his mum. That’s what abusers do & are excellent manipulators of the truth too. No one should have to live in fear of their partner or husband. I did for many years, he lived his life in anger & was a head worker. With me I could not argue as he refused to acknowledge feelings always shouting people down, then the silent treatment & the punishments. He would say you’ll learn what you have fn well done wrong yet I hadnt! His rules changed daily, ridiculous rules, Please if you feel you cannot take it anymore get help from womens aid, talk to your GP but don’t live in fear, abuse always gets worse. Xx

[Author]

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