An awful, awful week…

[Memand]

First of all I’d like to apologise for the fact that I am just posting about myself and not really supporting anyone else just now. I am in a terrible place and feel I can’t say anything of any use to anyone.
I promised myself earlier this week that I really need to get out this time, but my resolve has already weakened. I forced myself to write down some of the things he said in the last row this afternoon, just so that I can remind myself every time I want to pretend all is okay. I think I spend a lot of time in shock even now. Recognising the fact that I’m in an abusive relationship (removed by moderator) was the bitterest pill of all to swallow and I had to call a crisis helpline to stop myself from self-harmimg. Since then I can’t stay on an even keel and yesterday I found myself standing in a shop staring into space not knowing why I was there or how long I had been there.
Someone mentioned logging it all with my GP, how does that work? I’m not sure I can, I don’t know why. The idea of that scares me. I told my mum some of it and that I wouldn’t be considering breaking up the family unless I thought it really necessary. She has been very supportive, but I don’t want to tell her too much as I want to preserve her feelings.
I’m not sure what else to say for now.

[Anabela]

Hi Memand,
I just wanted to say that i understand how you feel very very well. I am in exact same situation where I understand I MUST get out, but I get more and more stuck in a relationship……… As if I am addicted……
I feel I can’t give much advise at this point in my life….. Just wishing you strength and peace…

[Memand]

Thank you Anabela, I wish you the same. I hope we both find the strength.

[KIP.]

Talking to someone is the key. Local women’s aid. Your GP. When I finally told my mum she said she wished I’d told her everything so that she could have helped me. We are in no fit state to help ourselves. We need someone to take control and help us get out,

[Confused123]

Hi HUn

Just tell your gp that u are an abusive realtionship and need help, he will guide u where u can go for support snd make a log of it on your file that u came for help, please continue tellign someone , iperosnally had tospeak with a support worker who made me realize i need to get out, with the right positive support u can leave. i think we are just so drained from these men that we have no energy to think straight

[Mimosa]

Hi Memand

I found it incredibly difficult to write my stuff down for this forum, even harder to phone the Women’s Aid helpline. When I did speak to someone I couldn’t say the words, to admit to myself I was in an abusive relationship, to talk about the things he’d said and done, but she helped me and it felt so good to be understood and listened to, like it does to share experiences and support on here. I write notes of things on my phone and record him too in secret. When he’s not being nasty, it helps me to remember what he is capable of. Before I’d be thinking did I imagine it or was it just me. I have lost chunks of time not being present, it’s disassociation apparently. The helpline advised me to speak to my GP so they have a record. It might help with things in the future. So I’m going to be brave and do that. I’ll say something like I’m worried about my husband’s moods to start with I think. I’ve also got to speak to my parents. They know he’s quite stressy but don’t know the extent of his behaviour. My manager is wonderful and I have been open with her as things had got to a point where I could no longer separate his impact on me when I was at work. She’s arranged coaching for me which has really helped me to move forwards. I would say keep posting, sharing other ladies’ posts, I have had so much support and encouragement here and learned so much from others.

Mimosa
X

[pink rose]

I often went to my GP,even when I was crying my eyes out, they were VERY supportive telling me that I could go back anytime. I now have an arrestable injunction and a police marker on my house xx

[Author]

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