And it gets worse

[cupcakes]

He has filed for divorce against me based on I’ve behaved badly his the added loads of rubbish about me including that I’m abusive and an alcoholic (I occasionally enjoy a glass of wine I’ve not had any since (month removed by moderator) ) and that I didn’t give him affection and that it’s going to cost me (detail removed by moderator)

I have no solicitor and no money what do I do

[Jupiter]

Hi Cupcakes

I am sure it is possible for you to get legal aid for this if you are on a low income.Can you contact your local cab for advice as they can give lots of info about your situation.Also can you phone or e mail womens aid as they can support you through this? You dont have to struggle alone-these people are there to assist you. It sounds as if your partner is using threats to bully and frighten you when you are down.Maybe he is the guilty one who has bad behaviour and projecting this on to you because he has no cause for complaint.Abusers love to use these tactics but you do not have to put up with more abuse.Stay on the forum for support.Once you take that step and contact the CAB or womens aid you will feel less anxious because you have others who are rooting for you.Probably womens aid can do a lot more for your situation by way of help re domestic abuse and also advice about money,legal aid etc.You do not deserve to be bullied and abused so please seek out some support for yourself.If you cant ring WA you can message them on their website or e mail if you need the privacy.
Jupiter

[cupcakes]

Thank you (detail removed by moderator)

I have had emails from him and his dad pushing me and pushing me (detail removed by moderator)

From what I have read online unless I have a small fortunate I have to go ahead with it and no one ever sees the reasons why.

I just hate that our divorce is going to be based on this after what his done to me.

I don’t know if to go get a solicitor tomorrow or wait for legal aid to come through.

On top of all this his still being a nightmare with the children I really done know how much more I can take of this

[KIP.]

Hey, my ex used the civil courts to abuse me too. He accused me of exactly what he had been doing to me. Its crazy. Take a deep breath. There is no rush so dont feel pressured because he has involved solicitors. Its just a tactic to try and retain the power and control. Rights for women have a free legal helpline. Any nasty texts or emails you can use as evidence? Its ok to inform his solicitor that you are currently seeking legal representation and they will be in touch in due course. Remember you get the first half hour free with most solicitors so you can get different opinions. At first I didnt want him to divorce me, i wanted to divorce him but i was too traumatised, but after he dragged it out I really didnt care, i just wanted divorced. If he is trying to divorce you for unreasonable behaviour then he needs proof. A solicitor will explain but dont worry. Hes just trying to scare you to go running back to him. My ex tried the same. Its going to be a very long process so you need to pace yourself. My advice would be to wait for legal aid decision, you dont give any of this info to him or his solicitor. Just that you are seeking legal representation. Hang in there.

[cupcakes]

Thank you problem is I have to reply to the courts within 7 days I have to sign saying representing myself or I get a solicitor to sign saying they are representing me. Could I call the court explain and ask for longer

[Dragonfly]

I’m sure you could contact them acknowledging but also advise them you are seeking legal representation. That’s what my husband did when I instructed my solicitor. It took him (detail removed by moderator) months to appoint his own solicitor. It is a very long process. My point is don’t ignore it but respond. They surely can’t ‘hurry you along’ just because he’s ready to divorce you? I don’t see how anyone could possibly find a solicitor in a week.

[lover of no contact]

Hi cupcakes,

These abuser guys must swop notes, they have all the same tactics. Mine did the same. Pages of accusations, untruths (detail removed by moderator).

I got free legal advice and solicitor told me to reply saying I too wanted a separation and am in the process of applying for legal aid and will let them know when I am designated a solicitor if approved for legal aid.

I got a miracle and I was approved legal aid. Keep posting. As a lot of us on here will be wise to your abuser’s tactics. None of them are original, just as many tactics as they can that will hurt and upset us. But we know their game. Knowledge is Power. They are not as powerful as they think they are.

[cupcakes]

Thank you I will call (detail removed by moderator) in the morning see what I need to do I want to see if I get legal aid first but this could take time.

I just feel so scared of all of this he is a very cleaver man because of his job and he knows how to manipulate and control people he does it for a living!

[lilaclady]

I know it is really hard but he wants you to be scared and like someone else said its all about power and control. My ex has been the same (though not to the same extent I really feel for you hun. He just accuses me of walking out on him and the marriage when I tried and tried and have left because of his abusive behaviour!!!). (detail removed by moderator) Anyone you can speak to for advice or anything as it will really help and stop you feeling so scared and alone KNOWLEDGE IS POWER. (detail removed by moderator). Do you have anyone else you can talk to? Friends family? its a horrible process but one day you will be out there other side we are all here for you x*x

[KIP.]

Who has told you that you have (detail removed by moderator) days? (detail removed by moderator)days is not enought time to make a decision about who you want to represent you. You might need to meet three or four solicitors to find one that is suitable? Rights for women offer free legal advice. Do not believe anything your husband tells you. Dont be bullied by him. My ex was employed in the legal system and i was terrified he would manipulate everyone. Turned out the professionals saw right through him. We all have laws to adhere to. Ring the court to put your mind at ease x do not be rushed into anything x

[cupcakes]

(detail removed by moderator).

I am feeling pretty low right now

[KIP.]

Hey there. Its just bullying tactics. Hang in there. Perhaps you could get a free half hour session with a solicitor tomorrow and take the paperwork along. X days is not much time and youre allowed to change solicitors so i dont understand the urgency. Rights for Women have a free legal helpline x

[Author]

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