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    • #132357
      KIP.
      Participant

      Don’t watch it. I didn’t make it through the first 5 minutes.

    • #132369
      Wiseafter
      Participant

      Duly noted. Thanks xx

    • #132370
      Anonymous
      Inactive

      Thanks KIP for the head’s up. I had recorded it but have deleted it now x x

    • #132373
      nbumblebee
      Participant

      It was rubbish anyway xx

    • #132383
      maddog
      Participant

      I watched it for you so you don’t have to. All just really weird and unrelateble. Woman gets involved with abusive husband’s hit man. The hit man seems to be a device.
      Not worth it. From the moment she meets the hit man, the rest of the (ahem) plot would appear really obvious with just more threats against children and violence towards women.

    • #132385
      KIP.
      Participant

      Oh no. The first five minutes was just like my relationship. As soon as the guests left he would begin to build himself up to a blaming frenzy. Hit man! 🙈

      • #132403
        nbumblebee
        Participant

        Yep mine too charming and lovley although sometimes this does slip in front of people then they leave and bang off he goes telling me off calling me names etc. Not everytime but enough to keep me on my toes.

    • #132616
      Ariel
      Participant

      I agree the first 5 minutes I was thinking omg I know this. But I muted the TV and it was ok

    • #132673
      teatime
      Participant

      It is very unlikely and silly.
      I will probably watch it though.

    • #133779
      Wants To Help
      Participant

      I’ve been watching this. It’s an interesting tale of violence and coercive control and the lengths someone clever and successful will go to in order to destroy someone. I can see the nine stages of Coercive Control being used very cleverly.

      Episode 5 has left me with some thoughts I want to raise with regards to victim awareness that I think victims can learn from. For me, victim awareness is how we can learn from our behaviours so that we don’t make the same mistakes again, it is definitely not ‘victim blaming’.

      One of the stages of CCB is Induce Debility and Exhaustion. A result of this is that the victim’s story sounds so crazy she doesn’t even know where to begin. It doesn’t make sense to her, so how is anyone else going to believe her? This is certainly the case with Angela.

      By Episode 5, Angela has started to believe her own version of events and is finding evidence to corroborate this. She is starting to become empowered. I’m all for women becoming stronger and empowered, but I believe our mistakes with this is to let our abusers know we are becoming empowered.

      In this episode, Angela goes back to the house to collect her belongings. A Police Officer meets her there whose job is to Prevent a Breach of the Peace and keep her safe whilst she does so. This is a sensible and wise thing to do, and she is able to collect her possessions. However, as she finds more evidence to show she has been set up she becomes more empowered, which results in her returning to the family home alone at night, in the dark, to confront her husband with what she has found out about him and challenge him. And here lies the mistakes.

      Firstly, she has now given him the ‘heads up’ that she’s on to him, which now puts her in greater danger, he does actually assault her whilst she is there. (I’m really hoping that the reason for this attendance was that she secretly had her phone on record in her pocket and all of the conversation has been recorded.) Secondly, in real life situations, turning up on your own like this will be used against you. The question will be raised “If she was really that scared of him why did she turn up on her own?” The abuser will gladly tell the authorities that the police attendance was only requested to ‘create drama’.

      So why do we turn up and confront our abusers? Why do we go to them and show them our hand? Why do we give them the heads up that we know what’s going on? Why do we think that once we’ve got some evidence we think they’ll suddenly crumble and confess and beg forgiveness? What makes us think they can suddenly become reasonable people?

      This is where we need to start being aware of ourselves and our actions as we get stronger and become empowered. Our empowerment, confidence, self esteem, strength, all needs to be for our own benefit, it’s our own secret weapon. We don’t need to advertise it to our abuser. You don’t give your plans and tactics away to the enemy. Be wiser and smarter with your new found confidence, don’t use it to try and barter with them.

      I’m looking forward to the last episode on Sunday. As it’s a TV drama, this vile man will probably get his comeuppance, but for all of the real life ‘Angela Blacks’ out there this situation probably won’t have a happy ending 🙁

    • #134175
      iliketea
      Participant

      What did you think of the ending @wantstohelp? I thought it was a really convincing depiction of coercive control. There were so many similarities with my ex it was unbelievable. The lengths a so called “clever” abuser will go to to get their way. Really powerful and something I’m not sure professionals are fully aware of, the covert nature of it. I noticed that when he gave her “the look” my heart rate shot right up. Not at the all out violent episodes, the subtle stuff, the schmooozing the professionals, the police, the solicitor. And how she started to play him at his own game. It’s so true, you almost have to do this to “win” the game. I’m not condoning it or suggesting anyone acts that way but there is something psychological in that especially when “the system” is still not 100% on coercive control and psychological abuse. She learnt “the how & why” and so managed to do what she did. Trying not to create spoilers for anyone!!! Really good.

    • #134180
      Wants To Help
      Participant

      I loved the ending 🙂 Oh the indignation in him when he was telling everyone she was lying and had set him up and he found this so outrageous… Karma 🙂

      Yes, the coercive control and gas lighting was covered very well. The slaughter of the pet rabbit was probably overlooked by many people who don’t understand this type of abuse and they may have wondered what that was all about and what it had to do with the story line, but the killing of a family pet is part of a control tactic that forces a mother to have to break devastating news to her children knowing it is going to upset them. I have worked with a lady who has told me “you wouldn’t believe the amount of rabbits I’ve had to replace!” Her abuser would cut the heads off them as he knew the children would be devastated so she’d have to dispose of the bodies (which devastated her too) before the children found them and then she’d try and cover up the death by replacing the rabbit with another 🙁

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