Anger after trauma

[Sadandconfused]

Can anyone help me? (detail removed by Moderator) years ago I left a very abusive relationship with my child. We went through court and won the case.
In the last 6 months I am finding myself easily triggered and really angry and aggressive. I find myself exploding and reacting in seconds which was never me before. I never had any sort of therapy because I didn’t want to relive it but it seems to be creeping up on me now for some reason years later.
I wonder if anyone else has found themselves in this situation and what helped them? I am really embarrassed about how I have behaved it’s totally explosive and humiliating to feel like an abuser shouting and yelling.

[Footballfan1]

Hi Sadandconfused,

It sounds as though you buried the trauma and didn’t process everything that you were subjected to.
For a long time, you would have been in fight or flight mode, just living off adrenaline.
This keeps you powering through and surviving.

Now, years later, you start to feel safe and you feel anger for what you went through.
This is normal.
Your brain parked the trauma away whilst you needed to carry on.
Now, your brain needs you to process what happened.
This can take the form of nightmares, flash backs, anxiety,zoning out.
Are you experiencing any of these symptoms?
You said you didn’t have any therapy.
It might be worth looking into it now.
It sounds like you are ready to process it.
I believe the only way to move on and put the trauma behind us is to talk about it and understand what exactly it was we endured.
Give yourself credit for getting out and winning the court proceedings.
That is incredible!
Take care. X

[Sadandconfused]

Thank you. I am just so anxious and I just get triggered then massively blow up out of all proportion.

I never wanted to talk about it at all because I wanted to bury it but it seems like it’s come back. I can’t afford a therapist so I will look online and see if there is anything for free going on.

[Footballfan1]

There is a free NHS therapy.
It’s called talking therapy.
There is a waiting list involved though xx

[Footballfan1]

In the meantime, is there anyone you can talk to about the trauma you endured?

[Sadandconfused]

I don’t know where to start really. I have a couple of friends who have an idea but I wouldn’t know what bit it is that is causing this now

[Mexico]

Hi my trauma is (detail removed by Moderator) years and on going with children. I’m at my lowest as to when I left. I have turned to alcohol to block it out which my kids have seen. Feel so bad and guilty but they all walk all over me! I bend over backwards for them weather I’m nice or have a melt down I play the victim. I don’t know if this is learnt behaviour from their dad. The triggers and trauma just kero coming back with a bang. I am getting help and doing cbt therapy to move forward in my life which I thought I had. New partner etc. How the kids treat me is like history repeating its self. I hurt so much as I know I have let my kids down but they will never believe the abuse I went through and all they believe is thei dad. I and still worship the ground they walk on but don’t know how much more I can take from them for my mental health. One child said I deserve my baby to be taken off me. I’m a good mam but the more you hear this the more I believe them. My partner now is so supportive but also says the kids treat me so bad.

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