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Not sure where to start this. I am out after many years. I was left with a horrible anxiety, conflicting thoughts and feelings. Not long before he left he wasn’t letting me sleep at nights and he was raping me at times. When he left he threatened me with death. After he left, I had bad panic attacks. I am medicated and I attend counselling. I had applied for non-molestation order (detail removed by moderator).
(Detail removed by moderator) I just couldn’t take it anymore. It was too much. I refused to drop the kids with him. I told him via a friend of his if he wants kids (detail removed by moderator) otherwise nothing.
I don’t feel love anymore, I feel some sorrow over everything that has broken down, but the strongest feeling I have now is wrath. Some friends told me to put this anger into building myself up.
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Hi morningflower, it sounds like you were subjected to horrific abuse and trauma. I’m so sorry!
Give yourself lots of time for recovery. You’ll have many conflicting emotions for awhile. Your mood and feelings may even change drastically from day to day, hour to hour. It’s totally normal. It sounds like you are doing all the right things to stay out of this traumatic relationship and recover. Keep posting and reaching out for support as you are doing.
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