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    • #173746
      Yesican
      Participant

      I’ve been feeling really angry with my ex because he is sending kind text messages to an elderly relative. W*F !

      my counsellor gave me an exercise to push really strongly against a solid wall to expel all that anger. Then I sit and give myself a hug and Pat my arms and comfort myself. It’s very effective and beats contacting him.

    • #173750
      BellaBella
      Participant

      I’m not surprised you’ve been feeling angry about that, I’ve had some very angy moments for similar reasons that involved even contacting members of my familiy he’d never met offering day’s out and free stuff! These things are ploys to make you make contact, so really pleased you have a way to deal with it (and a councellor).

      Going complete no contact was one of the best and hardest thing I ever did, but my god did it work in the end!

      It is very hard place to get to but I now have the mindset that I don’t care what is said/posted/written about me, I have noone in my life connected with the abuser in any way. The abuser has a world of lies at his fingertips and I only deal in the truth, so I turn my anger into a superpower which is to not be drawn back into his game at at any cost. There is one big comfort to be had though, and that is; our silence toward them is absolutely deafening!

      I do use my voice and my story in other ways, in the hope that by sharing in the right way with the right people it may just help others that have experienced or are experienceing abuse and/or the after effects.

      I do still get triggered and probably always will, so next time I’m going to find a wall and give myself a hug, so thank you 🙂

      Take good care x

    • #173757
      Yesican
      Participant

      Thanks BellaBella,

      Going No Contact has been a daily (sometimes hourly) struggle but It is now changing to where I just feel relieved. That’s not to say that I won’t feel the urge to contact him again e.g. after the bad storm but I have tools to use now instead of doing that.

      Do try the anger exercise but the hug and arm stroking is just as important as the pushing against the wall, you know.

      Good luck to you – aren’t we just fantastic ?

      • #173801
        BellaBella
        Participant

        I definitely will and yes we are fantastic!

        Good luck to you too 😀

    • #173811
      Cat24
      Participant

      How awful and I’m not surprised your feeling this way. They really try it don’t they. Most of its to see if you respond or react.

      That’s a Good exercise . I used to scrunch up paper into balls and stamp on them. . My ex created a huge smear campaign against me and used pictures.  He got prison time for it but his supporters were all rooting for him both male and female when he was released. The anger I felt towards him and them was immense that I couldn’t sleep.

      I started the let them theory too. So if they text your family ..let them . Just put boundaries in place with the people they talk to or cut them off. If they spread rumours…let them. If they hate you and tell everyone that ..let them.  obviously with some things this doesn’t work but it is empowering in some situations and puts you back in control of your life.

      But the exercises do work and after (number removed by Moderator) months I now look back and laugh at my scrunching passion. And I laugh at them because he’s now abusing someone new… again all public due to the fact he uses social media to also abuse and they just look like idiots supporting this person.

      You realise how good your life is without them in it . And how sad there’s is . Keep safe 🙏

    • #173822
      Yesican
      Participant

      Those are good tricks too Cat, thanks.

      I’m a little fearful that if he doesn’t get a response from me that he might show up at my door. Just wondering what I would do ad it hasn’t happened yet

      it must be satisfying to see your abuser repeating his patterns with someone else. Well not nice for her but at least you’re free. Maybe one day his fan club  will see the patterns too.

    • #173863
      NotYourMaid
      Participant

      @Yesican and @Cat24

      Thanks so much for your healthy anger release ideas!! I’ve been struggling recently with anger, so I’m relieved to hear these ideas! Gonna try them both out later!

      Thanks!!

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