Anger

[Ayanna]

Anger fuels power.
It is good to be angry.
Anger creates the energy to work on change.
We need change.
The way abused women are treated is not acceptable.

[fizzylem]

But I don’t want to feel angry anymore Ayanna – it also eats away at all that is wonderful no? Yes when I got angry with him it lead to me seeing that none of this was my fault – it stopped me taking and feeling some responsibility; but I’m tired and fed up with it now. I want to feel peace.

[White Rose]

I agree fizzylem. I’m tired too. I get angry at times but it’s a negative emotion and doesn’t help at all.
I too want peace and to be allowed to be me – whoever “me” is now. I’m still working that one out.
Ayanna try to walk away from anger to chanel the energy into something more porsitive. Anger will eventually wear you out before you’ve had a chance to win your battles.

[Ayanna]

I cannot feel any different. I am angry, very very very angry.

[fizzylem]

I can see how channelling anger can be very useful to us A, it helps us to stand up for ourselves when our personal boundaries are not respected, it can help us to fight for what is right, if we verbalise it with respect it can be a very useful emotion indeed, it helps us to articulate exactly what we need to say and when we do this a discharge occurs – and this can leave a person feeling quite exhilarated, true to self and free – this is healthy anger hey.

However, I think we need to find some way to resolve the anger we feel – because it festers, simmers and spills, I don’t want to feel angry with him anymore – what good can it do me? And it is wearing. I read this once, anger can be like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die – can relate to that!

He’s not giving me a single thought, but he is in my thoughts daily and I think that is because I am still so very angry. But how do I find a resolve and thus let it go? Part of me thinks the answer is in forgiveness – I need to get to a point where I can forgive him for what he’s done to me and my daughter – but I don’t feel anywhere near ready or willing to do that just yet – but why? Its only hurting me not him, is it because I need to hold on to it for now; like I am not done with it yet? Or is that I cant fully let go of what has happened even though I need to? Am I stuck in my anger? It sure feels like it eats away at me sometimes and I want rid.

Anger can also be hurts bodyguard – to feel angry can sometimes be better than letting the hurt in hey – so is it about engaging with the hurt? Which will in turn assist the anger to leave? But then I feel conflicted about doing this because I told myself a long time ago I would never let his words or actions ever hurt me again and I’ve been doing pretty well with that – because I know and believe it is over for good and I will never let him into my life ever again.

I dont know the answer. Thanks for posting this, v thought provoking sweety x

[Ayanna]

My anger is not about him alone. It is about the institutions who tried to tell me that rape is good, that I am wrong not to allow to be abused, that abuse it the fate of a woman, those institutions who promote the abuse of women with the help of the law.

[fizzylem]

Yuck, yeah so sorry you have come face to face with that A, yes dreadful. Something I thought about a while ago is that we cant change or fight the system (any system) alone, but we can position ourselves in an organisation that gives us the power to influence decisions – which reading your other post I think you are saying you might like to do one day. Also, we only really have a voice when we are in a position of respect or an authority on the issues – when people come and ask. I find the buddha teaching helpful in these situations, when he talked about personal power, ‘Be the change in the world you want to see’, v wise words – focus on what you can do and not on what you cant x

[fizzylem]

How did you let go of feeling angry with him?

[Ayanna]

I have never been angry with him. He tried to kill me and he raped me. He destroyed my soul. I am numb towards him. I have flashbacks every day.
I just have one wish for him, but I am not allowed to post this here.
I am angry about those who are being paid from my tax money to protect women and promote our abuse instead.

[Anonymous]

Iam same ayanna ..I going to keep fighting

Iam sure victim support will advice me in my next session

[Ayanna]

Not sure about victim support.

[fizzylem]

Got yer, jeese – yes outrageous, hate knowing that is happening, still, think I get what you mean – its like whose the one trial here? We’ve not really evolved much then have we – I mean I remember that Jody Foster film, was it 20 years ago? It shone a powerful light on how re-traumatising a trial is and they also had to fight public perception that boys will be boys – she was wearing a short skirt etc. You poor thing, you need help not a fight hey x

[Author]

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