Angry

[AirBlue]

I’ve recently had a meeting with Women’s Aid and, during my session with my case worker, we reviewed healthy and unhealthy relationships. It was an incredibly useful discussion and enabled me to explore a lot of my feelings and experiences with my ex.

I am, however, left with a lot of anger towards myself for not having walked away sooner. I felt like something was off regularly throughout the relationship, but I convinced myself that it was something we could work through and that it was only his mental health that was the problem. I convinced myself that, with better medication and treatment, he would get better and our relationship would be as wonderful as it was at the beginning.

Just reliving some of the memories from our relationship has just made me feel like such an idiot for not pulling away when I knew something didn’t feel right.

[Go green light]

I was exactly the same. I kept thinking it was his mental health, he might get better, if I could just do a good enough job of supporting him. I do still feel like an idiot for putting up with his behaviour for so long. But I do realise that it was not my fault. THe whole point is that these men manipulate everything and twist things so that you see things the way they want you to see it. I see things very differently now that I am out of the relationship. I did have a feeling something was not right but never allowed myself to fully acknowledge this.

I think the anger is healthy but hopefully in time you will not direct it towards yourself so much but realise he is the one who was responsible.

[SunshineAngel]

The same happens to me sometimes. I blame myself for not realizing it sooner and even doubt my own sanity. How could I allow the abuse, why didn’t I do anything sooner? Please don’t blame yourself. The abuser is 100% responsible for the abuse and the hurt he put you through.
I was just given a piece of advice yesterday, that might help you as well: A wonderful woman told me to imagine a woman sitting opposite me who is telling me my story as hers and you can just see all pain on her face. Try to see yourself from outside and you will realize that you are not to blame at all. You would never get angry at any of the other women on this forum, who may have gone through similar experiences as you have. You show them love and compassion. And you deserve the same from yourself. x

[Ayanna]

Just remember the thoughts you had until you were ready to leave.
Leaving is a process.
It is a very complex decision.
No woman goes into a relationship in order to leave again, at least in the majority of cases.
You are not to blame.
The abuser is to blame solely for what he has done to you and that you had to make the decision to leave.

[AirBlue]

Thank you for your lovely responses. Although it’s not nice to know other people have experienced what I am experiencing, it is nice to know that I am not alone in experiencing it.

Thank you for the advice, SunshineAngel. I will definitely try to see myself from the outside.

x

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