Angry Survivor-barriers to exceeding support

[Amibelle]

Hi,

I’ve posted on the forum previously about the difficulties I was having with my Abusive ex behaviour still and getting the right help and support to stop the abuse. For the last year, I have contacted Charities, the police and my local MP and my local authority for help and feel like I’ve gone around in circles. I’m exhausted from managing his behaviour and trying to look at ways to protect myself and my child.
Unfortunately I’ve had so much conflicting information. I was told I was eligible for legal aid then was rejected (I owned a property with my ex) I can’t afford a solicitor as i work part-time. I reported my ex’s for harassment this year and was told
By the investigating PC they would help
Me get a non-mal order and go to
Court. 2 month on I had heard nothing. I have had to chase them
Every day but still waiting to here the conclusion. In the meantime my ex can still
Harass me and I still have no injunction. because I left it two months to
Make the non-mal, I’ve been told my chances of getting one is slim.
On top of this I’ve had multiple meetings with social workers, most had very little
Knowledge about the dynamic of controlling and coercive behaviour and don’t think there’s a safeguarding issue.
Then theres the local
Authority. I cannot afford to pay all of the mortgage, this was something my ex was helping me instead of maintenance contributions but it was also a form of control and a tool to hurt me. So he would threatened to stop Payments and demand money of me Immediately. He would text and text until I blocked him then he would email and if I never responded he would come to the flat, because he owns it and I don’t have an occupation order the police can’t stop
Him. He’s extremely aggressive and I’m scared of him. I was told I could make an homeless application because I’m not
Safe st home but this was rejected by the council. I was told to call the police if he turned up. So I was basically trapped in a flat I couldn’t afford but with no where to go.

I’ve experience so many barriers to excessing help. Legal

What I’m angers me the most though are the attitudes from family and friends.

[Escapee]

Oh Amibelle!
It sounds like you’re going through hell!! Have you spoken to your GP? And I don’t mean a grown up, I’ve got it all under control conversation; I’m on about the let it all go conversation, don’t hold back the tears, let them know just how scared and at the end of your tether you really are. If people think you’re coping, they’ll assume it’s not that bad, even if inside you’re screaming. Is WA really active in your area? Would you go to a refuge?
Some DV support groups offer advocacy support – could they approach your mortgage lender on your behalf?
I so hope that someone out there starts taking you seriously – it sounds a very scary place to be and you sound like you are being so brave and strong. It’s been a while since I had babies to protect so any advice re children would probably be outdated. However, does the school know what is happening? They can help you in little ways, like ensuring pick up is safe; recording your children’s behaviour to see if there’s a pattern after contact; there maybe extra funding available for counseling as social services are involved; is there ‘a team around the child’ set up??
Are you from a minorty group that can access different funding? Or religious group? Sorry, so many questions but there must be a guardian angel out there for you my darling, there simply must be, we just need to find them.
For me the Pain Management team blew the whistle and released the rescue squad so much so it scared me and I retreated but it did set the ball rolling. Ive just about got the situation by the short and Curlies and I’m taking control, slowly but surely and the shackles and blinkers are falling. So far I’m doing it through shear force of will, my sisterhood (daughter and sister), WA and some other similar woman’s support groups and last but by no means least the amazing women on these forums with their wealth of experience.
I don’t know if that waffle helped, please let us know you’re ok and I so hope your guardian angel is found soon xx

[Author]

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