anniversary today

[banks]

Today would be another one, and even though I am glad I left, today is really hard as it is still fresh. Trying to stay positive, but therapist said something along the lines ‘he loved you in his own way’ which made me feel so awful, because if he loved me how could he treat me like this? I am hurting a lot today.

[Cherrydrops]

On days like that I go online and read about abuse, trauma bonding, and other women’s stories I also read about (detail removed by moderator) or personality disorders which helps me realise how much he didn’t love me. I wish I could help take the pain away, all I can say is I know and understand what you are going through. Sending hugs xx Cherrydrops

[Lisa]

Hi Banks,

I’m sorry to hear about how you are feeling at the moment, it must feel quite raw for you. What your therapist said was really inappropriate and not helpful to you at all. Perpetrators of domestic abuse just want power and control, abuse is never a form of love these men are not capable.

If you haven’t already I would advise contacting your local domestic abuse service. They may be able to offer you some emotional support and some run support groups/courses that can be useful.

Take care and keep posting

Best Wishes,

Lisa

[KIP.]

Hey there. A policewoman from the rape Unit read some letters my abuser sent me and she said to me ‘he really loved you’. It was still raw for me but looking back she was totally out of order. Just because his letters were like a Mills and Boon novel doesn’t mean he loved me. For all I know he was sending the same letters to other women. Nobody rapes and abuses you if they love you. It really set me back. Please have the confidence to realise she is wrong. Love does not hurt us. On my anniversary I tried to realistically look at what would. Actually have happened. He would either forget all together or make a grand gensture then expect sex. If I turned him down he would guilt trip me until I gave in. It may not seem like it now but you’ve had a lucky escape. Hang in there. I was in your shoes once and my life is totally different now. Free from abuse. Onwards and upwards x

[banks]

thank you all, these messages really helped. I though I overreacted but i decided to end my work with this particular therapist. It was such a ridiculous thing to hear – how can you say something like this if you advertise yourself as qualified to help victims of domestic abuse? I am not all about being angry (even tho I am, for the first time, sometimes so angry I cannot believe it) but it is mostly about not romanticising the relationship – she does not understand it is so raw for me, I still fell so much guilt and obligation, that telling me ‘he loved me in his own way’ only messes with my head. I tried to read and journal today and it helped. It hurts seeing things for what they really are, it robs me of hope, but in this case, hope is the most dangerous thing.
Thank you all for being here for me today x

Banks

[Author]

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