Another bad day

[Ssss]

I am really down at the moment came home from work to the police…. he had left child run off and younger one followed him who is barerly of school age but older one did not kno younger one was following so wasn’t with him. So he’d left them out and rang me to have a go at me I was at work he was watching them police found him and brought him back home he started shouting at me as soon as I retuned from work blaming me for them going out. I recently changed jobs so I wouldn’t have to leave them with him… as he rarely takes care of them and leaves them unsupervised although he is in the house he is in bed or lying on sofa…the stress of me being miles away and not knowing if had been found…and then being shouted at and blamed when child was returned….he shouted at me in front of police to try and make out it was my fault.. and he lied to them and said he only turned his back for a minute… I feel it was my fault as I shouldn’t have left them with him while going to work as I kno how he behaves…my other kids are blaming me for everything that goes wrong in their lives copying his behaviour I kno…but it’s not nice and I begin to believe it.. nobody will do a thing in the house…I have to get them up feed clothes go to work bed clubs everything and they are not listening to me being naughty older one getting into trouble at school and total lack of respect for me.. it is getting worse… if I’m not working I’m running around taking them places all for them.. I don’t stop.. I never do anything for me as no time or Carnt leave them… it’s getting me down I’m at breaking point now I Carnt cope any more

[Ayanna]

So sorry, this is terrible.
His behaviour is typical for abusers.
He makes your work life miserable as part of his control regime over you.
Many women cannot work because of such behaviour.

What are your thoughts about this?
Do you want to leave him?
Is there anyone who could take care of the kids while you work?

[Ssss]

Hi ayanna thankyou for replying.. yes I would love to leave… this has been ongoing for years where he has tried to stop me working…. putting the most unbelievable obstacles in my way…trying to loose me my job…and if it wasn’t for the fact it’s such a large organisation I would have been out long before… I have left on two previous occasions but financially had to return..
Not wanting to leave my job has kept me here for years… when I should have gone and started again….. I’ve made a real mess of all things…no one to look after kids no support no friends..I should have gone years ago.. the longer I’ve left it the worse it is and harder to leave… I’ve really messed up my kids lives

[SunshineRainflower]

It sounds incredibly stressful Ssss, like he is doing everything he can to drive you crazy and overwork you, typical horrendous abuser behaviour causing chaos and pain with no accountability. You haven’t messed anything up, it is him who has created damage and chaos but there is always another way. Could you get any financial support if you left him until you got back on your feet again? Please don’t feel you have to rely on him, lots of women with children survive alone so don’t give up and feel that you can’t too, it is always possible.

And once you have left you can set new healthy boundaries for your children about housework and behaviour which he will not be able to scupper and ruin. Keep going, never give up.

[Ssss]

Thankyou. That sound so positive… I always feel negative. I am going round in circles just running after kids and their escalating behaviour issues… I am slowly being ground down and don’t feel ill have the strength for anything soon…. everything is beginning to get on top of me know and I Carnt even get it togetogether to do simple things sometimes it all seems too much.☹️

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