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    • #46967
      Copperflame
      Participant

      I’ve just had another barrage of abusive texts from the abusive former friend. Loads of them. I’ve blocked her number so they were all in the blocked messages folder.

      I was totally stressed out and wound up after yesterday’s barrage, but am feeling calmer today after seeing my DV counsellor. In my calmer mood the messages are almost laughable, and I can see them for what they are – desperate attempts to regain control.

      As I see it I have two courses of action:-

      Ignore completely, but keep the messages and if necessary report her for harassment;

      Or reply ONCE with a warning that I will report her for harassment if she contacts me again.

      For those of you ladies who have experience of this, do the police have any guidance on dealing with harassment?

      Thanks, Copperflame.

    • #46975
      Missssy
      Participant

      Hi copper flame –
      I was advised that harassment constitutes a course of conduct that is unwanted on at least 2 occasions. I think that if you inform them of this then see what they have to say on it, call 101 for advice and log it with someone there they should be able to help xx

    • #46976
      Serenity
      Participant

      Hi there,

      Like Missy, I was told two or more occasions constitutes harassment.

      Make sure you report this incident, and report further ones. Keep all evidence.

      Xx

    • #46987
      Copperflame
      Participant

      I spoke to the police yesterday to report the emotional abuse. I haven’t heard back from them yet but I’m weary and in my present frame of mind I don’t want the hassle of taking it further.

      I have sent her a warning not to contact me again or I will report her for harassment. If she continues I can then show the police that I warned her to stop.

      The number of messages I received today was in double figures.

    • #47052
      anna
      Participant

      Hi Copperflame,

      I think maybe that she will keep being abusive and will send you things regardless and think about, instead of sending her messages to stop, ( they usually send more as its about power and control) think about not opening and reading. So if for example she sends texts is there a way on your phone to block it. If you have emails can they go to a spam folder unread? if you get a letter and recognise her handwriting not to open and read? if you have a trustworthy partner for instance could they intercept the post or whatever and discretely remove offending item without telling you.
      This is what I do with my mum. She is highly abusive and I get all sorts, but not reading the letters she sends not having a social media account having a safe telephone list which means my phone only rings out loud if its a person on my trusted list and if its a number i dont recognise I never pick up ( if its important they will leave a message) I can keep myself emotionally safe.
      Basically your ex friend is having a fine old time of it sending you horrible stuff which you, by your understandanable reaction of the cease, sending me abusive texts message, are confirming they are being read.
      I think its a good idea if you wish too to make a note of any contact and keep evidence such as having a drawer for any mail that is sent in case you want to take further action but please dont read!
      At the beginning I opened and read things because I thought if someone sent me something I had to be polite and read it. But that is not true. if someone knocks on your door you dont have to answer, if someone sends a text you dont have to read, we make choices and have a right to decide who we want in our lives and what level of interaction. The other reason I read the things was i thought it would give me the inside take on my mums state of mind. What if she was threatening to beat me up and I missed the important warning! Well actually abusers are usually far to smart for that and also not very likely in advance to warn you. I am not sure if wether you are reading the messages for those similar reasons? If you think it would be to stressful not to read maybe you could hand everything over to your dv councillor and she could check it. That way you dont have to read the horrible stuff but feel safe too.
      So sorry you are having a horrible time

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