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Another day but a bad few weeks really. I have suffered from him swearing, shouting and losing his temper at me and the children for many years. The verbal abuse is getting worse but he says it’s my fault and that I don’t know when to stop. It usually results from nothing.
A couple of weeks ago, I snapped at him as he was off out for the full day (detail removed by Moderator). I said something like “we seem to be falling apart and your off [detail removed by Moderator] again”. I was annoyed, it’s always one full day at the weekend and at least 2 nights in the week. We have 2 young children and I feel all I do is housework, washing and keeping on top of things. When I snapped he lashed out punching me at the top of my thigh, I walked out the room and then he pushed me into the next room, I stumbled a few steps but I didn’t fall over. We had a row and then I went out with the children. Does this sound like a one off or am I trying to pretend this isn’t serious.
We’ve had another argument tonight. He (detail removed by Moderator). He then completely lost it saying that I never let him decide anything, lots of swearing and saying (detail removed by Moderator). I didn’t shout at him, he just completely lost it, when he’s like this I feel scared. I must have reacted in a bad way, I’m just so confused on how to act.
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Hi beekind
Life is so hard with young children, and there’s no reason you should be doing all of it. You are in a partnership, or supposed to be, but he’s not being a partner ifyou are not sharing the load, especially as you’ve made this clear to him. Its not ok for him to simply ignore your upset over this, but to then punch you and push you is assault, plain and simple.
He could have arranged for the children to (detail removed by Moderator), but he didn’t, he wanted to make the magnanimous decision and be the disney dad, whilst you actually do all the grunt work of making it happen.
(Detail removed by Moderator)
he expects you to do it all, of course, and getting angry because you don’t want to do it all is far from ok. You are not a paid housekeeper, you are supposed to be his partner in this relationship with shared responsibilities.
Regardless of all this, he is abusing you, and its getting worse. Whether he’s done the physical once, or more, its still a crime to assault someone, and to behave so threateningly to them that they get scared.
What if you hadn’t just stumbled for a few steps but actually fallen, head first into something? Thats how easily it happens. A push is an assault, and if he had pushed you off your feet, who knows what would have happened. Would you push your children, making them struggle to stand up, no, because you wouldn’t want to hurt them. He wanted to hurt you, that matters. Its very serious, and you don’t know where this will stop. What if its one of the children next for instance?
I am sorry he is treating you like this, you are clearly unhappy with your lot, and been struggling for years with his anger, and you shouldn’t have to. Noone would think this is ok. You do what you want and deserve, have the life you deserve.
warmest wishes
ts
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My husband has hardly ever taken an interest in our children only when it suited him now they are older he takes all the credit and they hang on his every word.
He gets very angry with me also always has (detail removed by Moderator).
My counsellor tells me “not to feed the beast” when he goes off on one I am to stay calm to try and walk away if I can without an argument not apology no explanation just to say well if thats how you feel I cant change that so I am going to do….. and walk away. They want a fight they want to make you feel bad so its up to us not to let them.
Only do this if its safe its not always safe i know that but I am trying to do this as much as I can just staying calm he will never see my point of view so I dont give it. Sometimes it feel like im giving in but i dont want him shouting thretening he scares me so this is my other option.
Stay safe sweetie x*x -
Oh lovely, this was very similar to my world before I got out. His life was his life, I don’t know if yours is drinking/taking drugs but my ex was and had a similar pattern of 2/3 nights every week out and every weekend. It’s not just that evening though, it’s the build up when you can sense it’s coming and the day after when he’s either hungover or you’ve fought and getting the backlash. The arguing beforehand is often his way to justify going out and gaslighting & twisting it onto you relieves his guilt of leaving the family to do it. It was always friends, drink and drugs over me and the kids. It was no life, we couldn’t enjoy weekends or make plans.
This is bad enough but then you’ve mentioned it escalating and getting worse, to the point you don’t know how to act and he’s getting nastier – including progressing to physically hitting and pushing you. I know you don’t want to hear this but it will only escalate further. It might be a few weeks/months but once they’ve crossed that physical line it will happen again because he enjoys the power over you. Please don’t underestimate the impact all of this is having in the kids too, even if very young they pick up on the tension, see our sadness, hear the raised voices.
It’s time to start learning about abuse and reaching out for support, baby steps are still steps and you guys deserve better than this – he won’t change x x
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