another day with the elephant on my chest

[Anonymous]

oh its there again that horrible heavy weight the emptiness the loneliness the sadness also the relief. i haven’t slept much im exhausted with thinking. im eating sleeping tablets thrydont work along with painkillers to ease the tension. my friend gave me somr diazapam to help me settle but my body fights them. i know this feeling will go sw4ay soon. i just cant wait. this man is still abusing me from afar and im still letting him. i feel like i cant breathe

[Faraway]

Hi I’msosad, keep posting on here whenever you can! It really helps to know you are not alone. I read posts everyday and it helps me because I don’t feel so alone! I’ve got the kids and he has yet to see him. I’m so alone too. I have friends who always check in but I just want to be better so my friends get the real me!! I have diazepam too and take it sparingly. I understand that heavy feeling in the chest, sometimes I think I’m going to end up having a heart attack! Do you feel worse in the morning and then ok at night? I find peace once the kids have gone to bed and I can just chill and relax and watch tv! My psychiatrist says it’s depression with melancholy which means it’s horrific in the morning but lifts a little at night. Can you book in with a psychologist? Maybe go back to the doctor to try for some different sleeping pills? It’s hard when everything hits us, it’s just feels like more than our bodies can take! It’s greif, loss and so many other emotions so it becomes confusing. Please don’t doubt yourself! You mentioned in another post about lies and cheating! You will never be able to trust this man again and more importantly you will never feel safe with him. We all have doubts and guilt! It’s because we care too much! Try to read up as much as you can to soothe yourself! It confirms that it was abuse and you deserve better, you truely do!!! Let’s us know how you are going soon x*x

[Anonymous]

omg thank you si much for your reply. yes morning is the worst for me then late afternoon. i do feel like im going to die iv cut off all contact now i cant let him hurt me one more time it would finish me off. i miss the shell of the man not the monster indide. im so glad i found this site. my emotions are everywhere. i hate him for what hes done to me

[Anonymous]

imsosad, I was where you are now only a few months ago. I promise it gets better. No contact is the most helpful advice anyone gave me. You just need to break the cycle. But oh my, it’s so hard. Be nice to yourself, find a friend who’ll listen, post on here, keep busy.

You can do this. You really can.

[Anonymous]

hi landy i was in this situation (detail removed by moderator) years ago with my ex husband. this is a million times worse. its sorting things out eg post any connection i had with him. i am fine until i am alone then i crumble. i know its a circle a merry go round i had to get off it. this forum has saved my life the past couple of days. i just worry people will get fed up of me posting on here. i have experienced almost everything i have been reading its cruel so cruel.. im really lucky i have a good friend back who i lost because of him. he was there waiting for me like he said he would be thank you all for sharing its a life saver in every way

[Nottobeknown]

Hi I’msosad

I feel the same way it hunts me what I went through defiantly as affected me. So reason i end up blaming myself for everything as that’s what he did would always say it’s tour fault all that stuff. He controlled me in every single way and I couldn’t say no to him I wasn’t allowed. I’m no longer with him but what I went through with him would not leave as it’s scarred me.

[AlwaysSorry]

Hi there Imsosad,

It’s so painful this time right after the split. I wouldn’t wish this pain on anyone and I’m so sorry you have to go through it now. Time helps – such a silly, silly thing to say and I wasn’t always fond of people telling me this, but it’s true.
When we are in the relationship, it’s like we are treading water, constantly trying to just keep our heads above water, using all our energy to just keep swimming, to just keep breathing. Then when the relationship ends, it’s like we are drowning. The water we have been treading turns into these massive waves that seem to unendlessly knock us down, crushing into our chests making it hurt so badly. But the waves will lessen. The water will become calm again. And with every breath and every minute, you get that closer to being able to swim comfortably again. Sometimes the waves can come back, but their duration and intensity will lessen.
Keep posting on here indeed, it’s so good you have a great friend to help you but don’t be afraid to reach out on here and don’t apologise for doing so. We are all here for you, we all understand exactly what you are going through and we know this is the hard start towards healing. Never apologise for reaching out, there is so much strength in being able to be open about how you feel x
Think about seeing your GP as suggested on here to get some good help in place, a good night’s sleep does wonders for our ability to overcome x Counselling might be a really good idea as well, all of which is something your GP can help you with x

Sending you wishes for calm and peaceful nights x

[Anonymous]

hi nottobeknown
i blame myself now i could and should of got shut sooner my sister and friends saw through him but i did not listen i thought it would all end up a fairytale i wont bore you all with the full story but he would cause a row storm off to mummys (so he says he kept me away from her) stay away for 2-4 days get streaming drunk abuse me by text or phone call then beg to come home (lots more went on too) i would be at home in pieces devastated crying he did not care he had his ale. i was in work one night getting abused one thing stuck with me when he called me a fat sad lonely t#@t… enough was enough. i have to try hold my head up the best i can now. i just wish this gut sick feeling will go away.. hes free i am scarred sad and humiliated

[Author]

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