Another Newbie

[Scottish Thistle]

Hi All
New to this – I left my husband last year after several years of emotional abuse and threatening behaviour, I just had enough. Looking back it has probably been going on throughout our relationship but got worse after an injury he sustained. There has obviously been a lot more gone on that I don’t really want to go into at the moment.

He has not liked one bit that I am now in control of the situation and that he has no proper control over me anymore. So he is trying to hurt me the only way he knows now and that is women. He is currently seeing someone, the only thing that is bothering me with that is he was messaging both of us at the same time – had I caved and given him yet another chance would he still have been secretly carrying on this other relationship.

I am glad I have stuck to my guns just really hard when we had been together for such a long time, he was my best friend and we did everything together.

[Iwantmeback]

Hi ScottishThistle and failtè to the forum. You should be verra proud of yourself, posting on the forum is a huge step. Recognising our relationship is toxic is horrendous, it’s soul destroying. Getting through it is like the stages of grief when a loved one dies. We’re grieving the loss of our best friend, our lives together and the future which until recently was secure. This is the first steps you’re taking away from that. I was with my husband for well over 2 decades, nearly 3. Realising he chose to be abusive nearly broke me, but he forgot to be afraid of me, forgot to be afraid that I’d leave him.

Best wishes IWMB 💞💞

[Eggshells]

Hi there Scottish Thistle. Welcome. Look forward to hearing more from you as your journey progresses.

[Scottish Thistle]

Thank you – yes it is like a death, always thought we would see our lives out together but that was obviously not meant to be. I am hurt that he chose not to sort himself out properly to save our marriage but if you asked him he did everything he could it was me throwing all those years and memories away. It also gets me that people used to see what he posted on social media about me and now that he’s in a new relationship many are saying he deserves all the happiness despite what he put me through. Some people have such short and selective memories

[Scottish Thistle]

Thank you Eggshells. Although we separated last year we are still in the very early stages of this as he keeps stalling! I can’t progress with divorce as we need to have our finance sorted and thought it would work in my favour him seeing someone that he would want me out of the picture sooner rather than later but again that doesn’t seem to be the case.

[Lisa]

Hi Scottish Thistle,

Welcome to the forum and thank you for coming to share your insight and experiences as many women here can relate to what you have been going through.
Ending an abusive relationship can take time and it sounds like your ex-partner is finding ways to carry on the control and emotional manipulation he is used to having. You have done so well to stay strong and focused on ending the relationship, so do keep posting here to get support from the other women on here.
If you need any free legal advice moving forward with the divorce, Rights of Women are very good and have quite an informative website. If you haven’e done so already, you could contact your local domestic abuse service to see what other advice and support they can offer.
All the best and take care,

Lisa

[Author]

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