Viewing 5 reply threads
  • Author
    • #15908

      He had a sudden, expected an angry outburst. Threatened me that he doesn’t want to be in a relationship where he doesn’t get sex (on his terms). Apparently, he “didn’t sign up for this” (well, surprise surprise I didn’t either). He said sex is the most important thing in a relationship, it comes above everything else. He said he doesn’t care about deadlines and the books that I’m writing. He said he would “rip up all the books (that I’m writng for the business)” .

      He told me that he doesn’t know what’s wrong but something isn’t right. He said that maybe I’m menopausal (Just to keep things in perspective, I have regular monthly periods and I’m not even old enough to have a smear test yet). I was crying and suggested later on to him that maybe I should see a doctor if I cold be menopausal. Guess what – he said ‘no, no,no”.
      He told me that it’s a natural thing and that nature would not have given it to us if it wasn’t good.

      He said some other disturbing things which suggest paedophilic tendencies – it scared me a lot.

      Bear in mind we already had sex the previous morning and yet he was going on as if I’ve deprived him from it for years.

      There was alot of other things but I just needed to write this down. I’m feeling so depressed and worn out. I can’t do this anymore.

    • #15914

      Aww, hugs! My ex abuser did the same. When he did not have sex for two days he became violent and said the worst things. All abusers behave in the same way. Isn’t this interesting?
      Please stay safe. He may sense something. They are very sensitive to what goes on around them, I would say hyperalert. x*x

    • #15916

      In my experience I lost my interest in sex so badly. Sex for me is a passion, there’s no passion in our relationship so I don’t feel like having it. By the time passed he just get on with it. He will rather watch porn and get it in that way. As for me. I don’t care bcouse even if I do it for him, I just a “thing” to finish him off. For years and years I never ever have proper sex from him. He never finish inside me. As he believe that I will not be a good mum for his child and he make sure of it. Even if I suggest to do birth control he don’t trust me. Sex it self is abused for me.

    • #15917
      lover of no contact

      Yes, my 2 abusers (I was unlucky enough to meet) did the same. Coercive control or coercive force into having sex. Trying to force you into doing something you don’t want to do by:
      1) making you feel guilty (I would get the same)
      2)making it all about them and their needs.
      2)angry outbursts. (I experienced the same. On our honeymoon which abuser planned to be 30 days, he stated that we would have sex for 30 days, each day of the honeymoon) Well, just for one day I was not up for it (just wanted a rest) and my abuser ‘lost his temper’ telling me how selfish I was yada, yada’. Well his ‘anger outburst’ worked and I gave in, to keep the peace, to keep him happy and to keep our honeymoon happy. I probably knew he wouldn’t give up with his relentless demands.

      They don’t give up, do they, until they get their demands. That’s how they operate. Anger, disapproval, rejection, hostile looks and tones of voice, they are the tools they use to get what they want, when they want and how they want. They might concede a little bit here and there so we think we’ve getting our way or its a mutual relationship. But no, its their way or the highway. Giant toddlers in an adult’s body, that’s what they are. Its all about control. Power and Control. And they use sex, money, children, you name it. Its not about sex. Its about him exerting dominance and control.

      I feel for you. I hated being on the receiving end of what you’re going through today. Hope you can get out of the abusive relationship soon.

      • #16042

        I couldn’t have put it any better myself. I am making steps to leave this relationship.Sometimes I have doubts but the sexual and emotional abuse is too much.

    • #15919

      Hello what have I done. How strange my ex abuser also said it were the most important part too sex they’ve definitely been to same school x

      • #16043

        Hi betterdays, i sometimes wonder if there is a book or film that these men watch as all their behaviours are the same or very similar. I don’t know why and how they do it. I’m reading why does he do that and am shocked how I can relate to every page (all but the physical abuse).

    • #16044

      Whathaveidone: Other good books are:

      Invisible Chains
      30 Covert Manipulation Tactics in Personal Relationships
      All books by H G Tudor

      The last 2 books are free to read now on Amazon, Invisible Chains you can pick up cheaply. All of these books are about mental/emotional abuse and they really helped me. X*X

Viewing 5 reply threads
  • You must be logged in to reply to this topic.

© 2024 Women's Aid Federation of England – Women’s Aid is a company limited by guarantee registered in England No: 3171880.

Women’s Aid is a registered charity in England No. 1054154

Terms & conditionsPrivacy & cookie policySite mapProtect yourself onlineMedia │ JobsAccessibility Guide

Log in with your credentials


Forgot your details?

Create Account

Skip to content