22nd June 2016 at 7:22 am #19801
I’m not sure if it’s right to post this here but I am going out of my mind with worry. I have only told immediate family members so there is no way my ex would know this is me if he read this.
Last week I had to see doc about what I thought were muscular pains that had been getting worse for months. He sent me for chest X-ray and ECG. Both came back abnormal. In fact he called me himself couple days ago to say that something suspicious showed on my X-ray and what with the symptoms I’d presented with, he is now fast tracking me through for a CT scan. This should be within two weeks apparently. He did waffle on a bit more but I didn’t hear anymore. I have to have blood tests done too.
This is my absolute worst nightmare. If anything happens to me, our son will end up with my ex. The same person who has already shown traits of sneaking in abuse towards our son, by calling our son a liar to his face when called out on somethings by our son. He is a pre school child who has his own issues that I am single handedly dealing with because his father refuses to acknowledge his issues.
I am really panicking for our son and cannot believe this is happening. I fought so many years to have him. And I’ve fought so hard since he was born, to protect him. More so since my ex and I split.
Am I able to ensure our son goes to one of my family members in the likelihood of something happening to me? Or is it a case of, my ex is his dad and he will have to go to him?
Sorry for rubbish post. Hope it’s ok to post it. Just after feed back and support.
22nd June 2016 at 8:15 am #19803AnonymousInactive
I am really sorry to hear about your health, I do hope and pray that it is nothing too serious and that you would be healed, I am sure all things positive will happen as you are the only hope for your child.
I do not have my own child, but I do know from past experiences that you can request, if something does happen to you, that your child goes to a family member you trust. Unfortunately you have to have the evidence to proof that your ex is not capable of looking after your son. Whether he has financial problems, drinking problems, abusive problems, etc. If you have proof of any of this and a psychologist analyzes him and agrees with you, your son will therefore be sent to either a family member or sadly, an orphanage.
I would suggest that in the meantime, you get some evidence against your ex. Keep it away safely and only tell a family member where it is. Write a letter stating that if you pass away or something happens, you request your son to go to a family member and keep it with the evidence and then speak to the family member you chose. Tell them that if something happens and it gets to that point, that they need to go to social workers and maybe the police with the evidence and your letter and eventually they will fight it out in court.
I really do wish you well and hope nothing happens to you.
All my love
22nd June 2016 at 8:17 am #19804AnonymousInactive
Nothing you post is rubbish. I have learned over the few days I joined that all the ladies will support you, no matter what. You are free to say what you want and ask what you want and support will always be available
22nd June 2016 at 8:46 am #19806
I really need to concentrate on sorting my health issues out but I can’t stop worrying about our son. I know his dad loves him, but only as much as he’s able to. He has never put our child first since the day he was born.
His own family background is filled with information infidelities, alcoholism, lies, desertion etc. Police and ss have been called into the family dynamics on several occasions.
My ex has no idea of our child’s needs nor cares to learn about them. He makes lip service and asks the questions but when I’ve tried to talk to him, he ignores every single little thing and just does what he wants anyway.
My heart is heavy right now and I can’t bury my head in the sand but I’m struggling to deal with this.
Thanks for your kind reply. X
22nd June 2016 at 9:03 am #19808AnonymousInactive
It is normal to be worried for your son.
I know it sounds impossible, but try and focus on your health right now. For all you know, you are worrying for no reason and just stressing yourself up. Have faith that everything will be good in the end.
In the meantime try and get all the proof together that you can, maybe it will make you feel better knowing you are prepared. Will you be able to use his family background as evidence if it comes to that point?
22nd June 2016 at 11:16 am #19821godschildParticipant
So sorry to read this , try to take it step at a time , I know its not easy but see what the outcome is on your health issues and just gently at the same time try to see what steps you could put in place if it was the worst case scenario, it may well not be, but if you have evidance of of wrong behavior this will help, treasure your Son now and look after your health care,I have seen rights for women mentioned on here who may be able to give you some guidance on it, you take care of yourself try to take one day at a time , this may not be as bad as you think we all panic at such news , but often it is not as bad as we fear x*x
30th June 2016 at 2:39 pm #20537AnonymousInactive
How are you doing? Did the doctor get back to you.
Hope all is still okay
30th June 2016 at 5:23 pm #20553SerenityParticipant
If any of us were to die, automatic guardianship would be granted to the father as next of kin.
However, apparently, if you apply for a residency order, then you can write a will dictating who you want your children to live with in the event of your death, and why. It is often taken seriously by the courts.
30th June 2016 at 10:07 pm #20574TuppanceParticipant
Oh my gosh. What an incredible worry for you. I haven’t any idea how you are managing to cope but I would definitely get half hour free advice from a solicitor and prepare yourself with facts, dates, times, incidences. I truly hope that this all works out OK in the end for you x
1st July 2016 at 10:30 pm #20677
Sorry I haven’t been back to post.
Thank you ladies for your replies. Serenity, I didn’t know about that and will look into it ASAP.
Had my cat scan today and will have to wait a week for results. My gp didn’t want to discuss X-ray with me other than to say “well, that was a bit of a shocker wasn’t it?”!!!
It’s my own fault. I’ve been a smoker most of my life, only quitting when pregnant and breast feeding. Never smoked in front of my kids but nonetheless smoked. And if I’m honest, I’ve smoked more in the past year my ex and I split up.
How could I be so b****y selfish. I have a very young son to think of and I feel like I’ve behaved no better than his dad who has never put him first since he was born. Really hating myself at the moment.
My family have been as supportive as they can be, given that we actually can’t know yet what’s going on.
Will come back with the results when I know.
Thank you ladies. Xx
1st July 2016 at 10:45 pm #20681Falling SkysParticipant
Just want send my support to you.
8th July 2016 at 8:05 am #21253
Sadly, results weren’t good. I do have a cancerous mass in my lung and it’s possible it has spread to my lymph nodes. Start tests next week and go from there.
Sorry to bring a downer on here. Just really going to have to work hard now to ensure my son does NOT end up with his father if things don’t go too well with my health. Am going to spend the next week preparing a dossier on my ex’s psychotic behaviour and all the things he has done. My biggest fear isn’t even the cancer…it’s my ex getting our son. He will destroy our sons life and I know that absolutely. My ex has no empathy, no conscience, no guilt and no qualms about lying just because he can. And he is a physical person when pushed too. Jeeze…..I sure could use a break right now.
8th July 2016 at 8:32 am #21255lover of no contactParticipant
Please try and get as much support as you can. This is very hard for you. I know it sounds silly but taking it ‘one day at a time may help’. None of us know what tomorrow may bring. Prepare the dossier on your ex, but limit the time to say an our a day or some other limit so it doesn’t take over and dominate your day to day lives of you and your son.
None of us can control any outcome, a lot of things happen we can’t control but put the action in to do with your ex. and then whatever will be, will be. Its good you and your son have supportive family around you too. They will be looking out for you and your son.
Please keep posting for support, this is very hard for you to deal with on your own.
Take care and I will keep you in my prayers.
8th July 2016 at 8:41 am #21256
Thank you lover of no contact.
I agree, I won’t spend all my time fretting about my ex. I have every intention of enjoying my family for as long as possible and I also have every intention of fighting this cancer too. Positive thoughts and prayers are what will help me through the tough times to come. X
8th July 2016 at 8:49 am #21258AnonymousInactive
Hi I am better than this
I am so sorry that the results werent good. I wish you all my love and prayers for this long journey ahead and remember we will always be here for support.
Please do stay positive, YOU WILL BEAT THIS CANCER and your son will be save.
Thinking of you
8th July 2016 at 3:25 pm #21283
Thank you womaninneed.
I am fairly positive by nature anyway so…..here goes!
I will be still posting re support dealing with my abusive ex. Whom I will keep this secret from as long as possible, simply because I pick my battles. And my survival is more important than that fool can ever be. X
8th July 2016 at 4:42 pm #21287godschildParticipant
Hi, Iambetterthanthis so so sorry to hear your results were not good, you have my prayers in this, you sound very strong and positive which will help, sending you a big hug and hope you can find justice in what happens with your Son,Bless you xxxx
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