Anxiety and fear

[Survivalmode]

This is my first time posting. Just a brief synopsis. A short out of a relationship with what I believe to be a sociopath. No physical violence.
Extreme mental manipulation on a deep psychological level. Financially drained me. There are other issues which I have now reported to the police.

I believe he has the capacity for violence. To my knowledge he is now “seeing” someone living very near my home.
I live daily in fear and anxiety that I will see him again.

How do I stop this fear. It’s ruining my life now. I’m barely functioning
I have very few friends and they do not understand. Think I’m over reacting.

Any suggestions would be much appreciated… thank you

[HopeLifeJoy]

Hi welcome Survival mode,
Very good that you reported him to the police.
If you feel scared for your life and safety, pls inform the police, they will have to come up with some kind of protection. You can also call Women’s Aid to ask for some tipps.

You are not over reacting at all, the fear and anxiety are very real. I have a sister who I believe is a so***path, who harassed me and made me feel very anxious.
What helped me is to come up with several plans, I would imagine each scenarios, like running into her on the streets, she coming up to knock on my door and so on.
If she would come to knock on my door, I would call the police. It was very clear in my head what I would do, this gave me some peace and strength. It helped me because once the panic attack kicks in I can’t think straight anymore.
I also assigned a safe-place for myself when I get very scared, my bed, holding on tight to my teddybear so I feel like we are in this together, putting on music and cushion around me and telling myself to breath in and out and repeating ‘it’s going to be ok, it’s going to be ok’ until I calm down. After I calmed down I wrote on here each time I had trouble and also to a friend of mine who ‘gets’ it. It kept me sane and helped me so much.
And I went No Contact. Didn’t reply to any of her emails, blocked her and her husband and friends on my phone etc…
It does get better, it does. Believe it.
I wish you lots of strength. Keep posting and keep safe.

[Survivalmode]

Thank you Hopelifejoy
Thinking out plans of action will help a lot i think.
I have a young child who adored him. My biggest worry is my child running into him. I’ve done my best to warn my child to ignore him if he’s around.
Other than that if I can’t handle him being around I’ll just get out for the day.
If he even attempts to approach my door I will call the police.
Even writing this shows me I have options.
The hardest part right now is waiting to see if he turns up at her house
I have days where I find myself watching out the window to see.
This is draining me.
I am working with a counsellor and I hope I can get past this stage soon

[Twisted Sister]

Dear survivalmode
Welcome aboard, you have been very brave to post your fears, its important to really listen to them, and I agree wholeheartedly about having a plan in place for each possibility.

I so wish I had done that hopelifejoy, instead I wasn’t prepared for him turning up, hadn’t forewarned, forearmed the kids, so i just acted at his behest. I would open the door when he turned up,never thinking I was within my right not to and it broke me.

The having a teddy to cuddle, the safe place to go are all such great ways of handling it.

You have done so well to be out of it, but it takes a longer time to leave psychologically, and emotionally.

Listen to your gut, and he’s probably being very cruel in using this women because he knows you will be able to see him, and be scared.

Keep safe, warmest wishes ts

[Twisted Sister]

…as in, this is not a stage of moving forward, but that he is still abusing you, and he knows it. What better way than have an excuse to be s3en by you with another woman, and be able to watch your home. It is very worthwhile talking over the options wit the police, because he poses a continual threat and a risk still?

[HopeLifeJoy]

Thank you Twisted Sister 🙂

Survivalmode, I know how it feels like to watch out the window.
I used to jump up at every noise, at every passing car even though I live few floors up! I developed an incredible ear and started to know each and every movement from all my neighbours! Crazy but it helped me to know what is what and once I could recognise the noises I had to tell myself ok that’s just the neighbour, you know that know, there is no danger, relax, chill the f down!

I agree with TS, I would consider taking your concerns to the police, this is harassment – which is illegal – using this girl living near you as a cover, as a control tower to keep you under his radar. He has no right to do this.

[Survivalmode]

Thank you all for your support. It helps to know others understand
I spoke at great length to the police yesterday
Although they cannot do anything at this time regarding keeping him away.
They have assured me of their full support should he harass me.

They are investigating the other matter and have again assured me he will not be made aware while investigation is going on. This has eased my mind somewhat

Today I just want to leave here. Leave the past behind forever. But I feel I can’t because I don’t want to shake up little kids life any more than it has already been.

I haven’t heard from a single “friend” for 2 days. And it drives home the point that I am truly alone with this.

Thank you all again. x

[Author]

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