Anxiety is taking over

[HopeLifeJoy]

Hi all,
I suffer from anxiety, nausea mostly and short of breath and slightly dizzy today. I use to have panic attacks while in the relationship. I am physically safe and went No Contact long ago so I don’t understand why I get anxious again.
I can still function, do basics things but that anxiety is there is my stomach, making me nauseous. I have to force food down my throat. Sometimes I can’t eat, I have to skip the meal. I still go outside, it takes me a lot of effort and courage but I do it. Fresh air helps. But today when coming back home, I was getting very anxious, I was afraid that my place had burned down. I actually saw it ( in my head) burned, all my stuff turned black, my neighbors and firemen at the scene. I was so relieved that it wasn’t. What is happening to my mind? Am I going crazy? Is my loneliness killing me slowly?
Surely it will get better again…just have to vent…

[Janedoeissad]

Hi HopeLifeJoy

I think you should see your GP as it seems your Anxiety stopping you leading a full life.

Maybe a short burst of anti-anxiety medication might help ease the symptoms and give you enough head space to get help like CBT (Cognitive Behavioural Therapy) or counselling. There are many books on CBT and I have found some of them very helpful.

The thing with Anxiety is, leaving the situation is not enough to make it go away. I remember a friend saying to me recently “why have I got my anxiety symptoms when I have nothing to worry about at the moment” and I told them that anxiety has no schedule and it doesn’t always trigger off when something happens, its a bit like a migraine, sometimes it just happens. Having a longer term plan to manage the symptoms is the best you can do until hopefully the symptoms will subside.

The fact you are skipping meals is concerning, and probably not helping as no food means no energy and you can fight something if you are feeling weak. Maybe try eating little and often so you know you are still getting the appropriate amount of food each day.

You should be very proud that you are going out and facing your fears daily. It shows how strong you are.

There is an phone App called Headspace which I used to use frequently, it only takes 10 minutes a day and it is supposed to give you a moment to try and relax properly.

Please remember its ok not to be ok. You are not crazy, you are currently a little unwell. It will get better again, even if that just means you understand your anxiety better and know how to deal with it.

Sorry, I waffled a bit there. I hope it all made sense.

Best wishes

J xx

[lover of no contact]

Hi HopeLifeJoy,

My anxiety still gets triggered regularly and I hate that feeling. I fear the fear feeling if that makes sense. I panic when the anxiety/fear feelings surface. I fear I won’t be able to withstand them. The ‘dread’ feeling is also a regular one for me. I’m out of my abusive relationship a few years but these feelings have lessened but still resurface when triggered. In fact they were triggered in the last few days and so I have had to just put one foot in front of the other and carrying on my normal duties while these anxiety feelings are alongside me. And I hate them. And I hate feeling like this but I know they will pass.

It helps me to talk/write about them as you have done by posting. Also what helps me is to practice acceptance around my’the worst-case scenario’ thinking. Something’s not right in one of my children’s world and I’ve gone into worst-case scenario about them so I say to myself ‘thankyou that I’ve had them this number of years with them’. I accept the worst-case scenario. This sounds crazy but seems to help me. So if your house burns down well if would be an awful loss and tragedy but once you were ok you would survive and get through it eventually. Playing this trick on my mind seems to work for me.

[Freedomfighter]

Hi Hopelifejoy,
So sorry you’re still suffering such crippling anxiety. I’m having the same problem at the moment and it’s sending my blood pressure through the roof giving me constant headaches, migraines, nausea and worst case scenarios too. I’m currently taking medication and trying to stay calm by distracting myself.
Well done for escaping, I’m still in the process and have had to put my plan on hold for a while. Obviously this is fuelling my anxiety. Can you identify any underlying reasons? Maybe money or divorce case, the time of year, or anything? I find it easier to identify the problem and reason out a solution. Maybe talking to someone you trust, one of the ladies on the helpline, or your GP or a counsellor. One thing I do know is keeping it all bottled up inside just fuels the stress. Give your brain a rest regularly too. I listen to music, chat, do puzzles and watch tv. I used to do housework and cleaning, but I’m not allowed at the moment. Try experimenting with different things reading or writing about your anxieties then explain to yourself why it’s unlikely to happen, that it wouldn’t be the end of the world even if it did etc. Fear of the unknown and things we can’t control is always harder. Reach out and get help through this rough patch. You’re doing brilliantly, be gentle with yourself and give yourself time. Keep posting and try to find a way to have a little light relief, smile and have a chuckle about something. As mad as that sounds it really helps 😊

[HopeLifeJoy]

Thank you so much for your support, it helped me enormously to keep my sanity.
I discovered that a very close sibling is a cunning manipulator. My ex is already a n. That is too much evil at once. I collapsed. Went through emotional hell. A lot of anxiety and probably depression the last four weeks.
I decided to go see a therapist and I am following guided meditation which helps me to keep breathing.
I want to move on. Be happy again.

[lover of no contact]

Yes I always find it a shock to my system when I become aware of others close to me have not got my best interests at heart. In your case its your sister’s patterns and behaviours. For me, it was certain family members who I love dearly but who are closer to the abuser/bully in the family/marriage/work-place dynamic. I nearly find it easier to accept the abuser’s behaviours and patterns (well only if I have minimum to No contact in place), but my biggest hurt is those close to me but who choose abuser over me. I heard someone say that these people (flying monkeys/abuser’s liutenants, allies etc) do not have firm heart and due to their fear or whatever choose to side with those who perpetuate abuse. I suppose I can still love them/ like them but I can’t trust them as their first allegiance will always be to the abuser/bully. I suppose they’re also afraid that they will be bullied too.

You however, and I became the scapegoat in the dynamic where there is an abuser, as we did have a firm heart. So that is a good thing. Its all very confusing but keep reading the posts on here and you will gain more clarity and healing and acceptance around the roles each family member chooses to adopt in an abusive dynamic.

[HopeLifeJoy]

Thank you for your reply lover of no contact

I understand your tenderness for the Flying Monkeys, somehow they are also just pawns in the abusers game. I too forgive them all and I do not confide in them nor trust them anymore. As long as they side with the abuser I will keep them at a safe distance from me. Yes they probably let their own fear drive them, which is apparently stronger than their love for me.

Yes I guess I am the scape goat as well. If the abusers think it’s all my fault, I gladly separate ways. I move on. They can stay ruminating alone in their problems.
At least I now know an infallible way to recognise even the most (fake) caring abuser. Saying No. See the reaction and the mask falling off. Very shocking yet revealing.

I have been diagnosed with post-traumatic disorder.
I am taking pills now for my depression and my panic attacks, it helps.
My GP told me it will make me feel quite tired and will need more hours of sleep then usual. And that’s great, because some night I used to stay awake for few hours. Just alert. Since taking the pills I sleep through the night, I go to bed very early, sleep 11 hours straight. I guess my body needs the rest. Then taking two cups of coffee instead of one in the morning helps me to get started. Somedays I am just tired and that’s ok too.
I am not in paradise but at least I am on ground zero instead of below 100 and that feels good.

[lover of no contact]

That is good to hear you are getting the extra support you need at tis time. And sleep and rest are so important as we are exhausted after being abused and doing the abuser’s share of work and responsibilities as they need their energy to abuse and manipulate and work on their fake persona rather than do any housework etc. Sp we are left doing it all..on top of being abused so no wonder we are exhausted and shattered not to mention dealing with the anxiety and depression.

Keep healing and recovering one day at a time.

[Author]

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